The Trendliest

Still Feeling Blue?

2010-02-23T12:43:00.000-05:00

Do you constantly have the urge do paint your skin blue and have sex with the earth and its creatures while wearing 3D glasses? Were you disappointed on your last trip to the book store when you found out Rosetta Stone doesn't make a Na'vi edition? Do you refer to your social skills as "Unobtainium"? Nevermind calling your psychotherapist to see what's plaguing you, we here at your friendly guide to the latest trends, have the diagnosis and it's got nothing to do with murder. You seem to have come down with decidedly trendly affliction known as Post-Avatar Depression.

: I See You...You Appear To Be Crying

You're not alone film fanatics. Well, okay, you're mostly alone. Rest assured there are several others like you; those moved to the point of obsession by a cliched plot, breathtaking CGI animation and glow-in-the-dark horses with eight legs instead of four. Ever since James Cameron opened the Pandora's box that is his multi-billion dollar grossing opus Avatar, impressionable people with nothing better to do have envisioned themselves as inhabitants of a fictional planet rich in natural beauty and ten foot-tall blue people with superior physical skills to someone who just spent three hours gorging themselves on butter-slathered popcorn.

: You Could Learn To Be Just Like The Na'vi!

These human specimens who possess the rare ability to care entirely too much about an alien environment while not necessarily exhibiting any sense of urgency about their own, have taken to wallowing in the mire over the fact that they will never be able find themselves in the utopia that exists mostly in the mind of the guy who directed Piranha Part Two: The Spawning. Still, they've grown hostile to their fellow members of the human race who would sooner destroy natural resources than wait in line to meet Zoe Saldana at the next Comicon just to have that awkward moment when they tell her, "I see you."
While the reality is all too disheartening, most wanNa'vis have found ways of coping with this hip film-based mental illness. For some it's as simple as listening to Leona Lewis's Celine Dion-esque "I See You" theme on a loop, while others have been forced to give into the realization that Avatar is just Ferngully mixed with Dances With Wolves, and still a few brave souls have pressed on living in their thin blue skin eagerly awaiting the sequel. Because, really what's more friendly and trendy than not admitting you have a problem in the first place.

Don't Worry, Be Sorry

2010-02-22T13:40:00.000-05:00

Greetings sometimes followers of the latest trendly goings on. It's been far too long since you've seen our smiling faces and glowing witticisms on this here page. If only there were some way we could make it up to you that didn't involve monetary appropriations or sexual favors. We've got it! How about we resume our position as the standard bearers of the latest in all that is both friendly and trendy by posting something new? Sound good? No? Well, then we guess we're just going to have to offer you a heartfelt apology, which just so happens to be the latest friendly trend in public discourse.

: Say It With Flowers, But Really Sell It With That Pathetic Look On Your Face

Plenty of people in this world are capable of committing unspeakable acts of immorality such as actively engaging in genocide, offering free health care and forgetting to tip their server. All too often those heinous occurrences go unchecked without even the slightest acknowledgment of any wrongdoing. Lately though those who have committed a heinous act against their fellow man have seen fit to right their wrongs by publicly proclaiming "mea culpa" for their questionable decisions that stand to jeopardize their status as the world's foremost athlete, restaurant patron, or douchebag tattoo-sleeved guitar player of easy listening music.

: Being John Mayer Means Always Having To Say You're Sorry

Whether you've offended people by outing your penis's racist tendencies, not providing boundaries for your penis, or just simply not posting on your blog for a really long time; it's important to acknowledge that the road to ruin was paved with good intentions. Unfortunately that road is only big enough for penis-shaped cars or vehicles driven by your ego. While you were busy thinking with your genitalia, guitar, and/or wallet your well-intending actions -no matter how private- were busy hurting the feelings of millions of people you have never even met who obviously look up to you as a role model.
The only way to right this wrong is to offer an utterly sincere admission of guilt and probable sex addiction as reasons for your lapse in judgment. After all, you could've spent so much time being the best you you could be if you weren't so busy looking at porn or shamelessly flirting with the girl you paid to have sex with.
So how does one offer a sincere apology to those wronged souls also known as sponsors, professional sports associations, or Twitter followers? Well, there are several different methods sweeping the nation:

: Tiger Woods: Mastered The No. 1 At Oakmont and The Art of the Press Conference

The most popular and readily available is the press conference. The media loves a good admission of wrongdoing and what better way to do it in real-time in front of cameras and microphones before the entire world. Not only will it magnify the extent of whatever you're admitting, but it also makes you seem sorrier. Whether you cheated on your wife or your SAT's and need to tell someone, there's a good chance ESPN or TMZ will cover it provided you schedule it during The World Series of Poker or when Britney Spears is not driving to the mall.
The second most popular form of apology is through the purchasing of gifts. While this form of contrition won't achieve the level of international forgiveness on the scale of a press conference; it goes to show those you have injured that your actions, while selfish, put enough money in your pocket to afford expensive chocolates or a used Mazda Miata. It also helps stimulate the economy, which is always a good thing.

: Please Forgive Me!

The third most popular form of forgiveness also happens to be the least beneficial to the economy. It's known as the simple action apology. The simple action apology is a personal admission of wrongdoing popularly expressed via language or sexual favors and sometimes both. It requires an audience of five or less and often occurs during an intervention or after the receipt of a credit card bill that reveals frequent trips to the strip club.

: Ryan O'Neal and Ali Macgraw Never Apologized To Each Other

Although apologies may be the latest friendly trend, it's important to note that one errs on the side of unpopularity when expressing such regrets to love ones. After all, being in love means never having to say you're sorry.

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

2008-06-26T13:15:00.002-04:00

Hello tried and true Trendliest fans. Have you recently grown a little weary of something in your life that you consider to be the least bit aesthetically undesirable? Maybe you’re still wearing a beehive hairdo (that’s so last year) or the bedroom you sleep in doesn’t look quite enough like the grandstand court at the All England Lawn Tennis Club even though it’s your dream to participate in Wimbledon. Well, we here at Trendliest think it’s time to do something nice for yourself and treat your hair and perhaps the other unsatisfactory areas of your life to the friendliest trend around- a makeover.

This Could Be Your Bedroom

Prior to the advent of television, the idea of changing something about yourself or “making it over” was an idea only associated with escaped convicts. People who got new hairstyles or attitudes were usually arrested and sent back to jail on suspicion of wrongdoing alone. All of this changed thanks to “Sonny and Cher”, who first achieved popularity as a lovable variety-show hosting singing couple, but got career makeovers when Cher morphed into a sailor-banging Academy Award-Winning drag queen and gay icon and Sonny learned how to ski.

Sonny & Cher Pre-Makeover, Post Citizen’s Arrest

One of Cher’s Many Fabulous Makeovers

Many artists followed Sonny and Cher’s example, none so successfully as Madonna who experimented with countless looks and morphed from a younger 20 something-ish dancing whore/sexual icon into an older 50-ish wrinkled dancing whore/sexual icon.

Because of Madonna and Cher’s drastic makeovers in the public eye, television executives thought that making over inanimate objects such as wardrobes, bathrooms, and straight men could be equally as appealing to audiences of popular culture. As a result, the Bravo network was founded and producers immediately got to work on making over everything in sight, starting of course with their offices, which had wallpaper that was a horrible shade of mauve that just had to go.

A Color Swatch of Bravo’s Office Wallpaper

Nowadays if you want to make over anything all you need is a gay friend, a camera crew and Ty Pennington. Luckily for us, we managed to wrangle all three of those things together yesterday, and now Trendliest has a whole new look. We hope you enjoy our makeover…we think it’s a most friendly and trendy site for formerly sore eyes.

Get The Concept

2008-06-24T12:07:00.001-04:00

Greetings Tune Trend-ficionados, do you want to hear a little story, but are deathly afraid of risking life, limb and the potential of pesky papercuts from the inevitable page turning that accompanies getting to the nexus of most novellas? First of all, don't even think of listen to those books on tape. There's nothing exciting about listening to the guy who played Q on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" reading Ivanhoe. Wouldn't you rather hear a story simply rocked? Well that's the idea behind Concept Albums, the hottest friendly trend in music that combines two of our favorite things, storytelling and rock and roll. Most of the time they even include our third favorite thing, futuristic robots.

The First Concept Album

The history of the Concept Album is a storied one beginning in the early 1960's when Brian Wilson penned the first one ever for the Beach Boys entitled Surfin' Safari. The album told a story about group of young lads who go on a surfing trip only to have it ruined by futuristic alien robots who steal their girls and take them for a ride in their "409" while the boys are left at the beach to go "Surfin'" and wonder if they'll see the girls later at the "County Fair." The album was met with extreme critical praise, but the fans just didn't get it and thus The Beach Boys never broke through into the mainstream.

A Futuristic Robot Cavorts With A Beach Boy's Girlfriend

It would take almost another fifteen years before another band had the courage to take their crack at the concept album. That band was Rush and that album was 2112. The combined efforts of Neil Peart on Drums, Geddy Lee on Bass/Vocals, and Alex Lifeson on the guitar crafted a sublime tale of a Canada run by an evil Robotic overlord who was surprisingly unfuturistic for the times, hell bent on declaring all out war on Greenland on New Year's Eve 2111. This album blew away the critics and was embraced by fans sweeping both the Grammy Awards and Juno Awards from 1976 to 1978.

Rush: Masters of The Concept Album

After Rush's masterpiece Concept Albums were seen as a lost art. One artist even made an entire career out of failed concept albums. Pop star Chris Gaines released 15 albums as his country alter ego Garth Brooks, yet never achieved any measure of critical acclaim comparable to 2112. He even tried releasing one last ditch attempt under his own name entitled Chris Gaines Is A Futuristic Robot that combined simple pop/country with Electronica but to no avail. Many groups have since failed at making concept albums. Radiohead's 1997 effort OK Computer, which told the story of the world being set back to 1900 because of the Y2K bug was seen as laughable and completely unrealistic, but still retains a cult following today.

Garth Brooks: Chris Gaines' Unsuccessful Alter Ego

The most recent semi-successful attempt at a concept album was Michael Jackson's Thriller: 25th Anniversary Edition, which is a tale about a talented African-American who decides he wants to be a talented, mostly bizarre caucasian; yet twenty five years later he comes back around and decides to be African-American again only to find out that the only way he can do so is to become a futuristic robot

Yes, trendlies and trendtleman, it's a rare occasion that an artist makes a successful concept album, so we suggest you jump on this friendly trend right away, because like concept albums themselves, it may only last for an hour or two.

Opposites Attract

2008-06-23T13:26:00.008-04:00

Hey Untrendly Haters, What's down? We here at Trendliest hope you're having the positively dreadful day that you don't deserve. Say you readers seem to be a little confused. We're not accusing you of disliking our site or saying we hope your life is awful (or aren't we?), but if that's what you took from the first sentence, you obviously haven't caught up to the latest conversational trend...declaring opposite day.

Marie Antoinette Choosing Her Words Carefully...But Not Carefully Enough

Opposite day is when you don't mean anything you say, but rather the exact opposite. It was first utilized by Marie Antoinette during the French Revolution as "le jour contraire", when she uttered the famous words "let them eat cake" referring to the peasant class. Unaware that the peasant class had no knowledge of the new aristocratic practice they were insulted by the Queen's ignorance to their plight. That being said, the intended sentiment of "Let them eat feces" probably would have resulted in a much more swift death via guillotine.

Herbert Hoover: Staunch Proponent of Opposite Day

The practice of Le Jour Contraire traveled overseas in time for the 1928 Presidential Election when Herbert Hoover declared that every American family would have "a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage," after which he was heard uttering sinisterly to a campaign staffer, "I hate opposite day..ha...ha". Again, unaware of what day it was, the country bought Hoover's message of hope, hook, line, and sinker. Nearly a year later the country was mired in the Great Depression or as Hoover referred to it in other prominent addresses to a struggling nation, "The Wee Excitement." Nearly Fifty years later Ronald Reagan famously invoked opposite day rules yet again when speaking of "trickle-down economics."

Unbeknownst To Half Of This Crowd...They Were Rooting For The Same Person

Until recently, the mystery of Opposite Day was hidden in the Presidential Book of Secrets, though a few fellow politicians that happened to be members of The Skulls starring Joshua Jackson, shared the clandestine code with fellow fraternity members who in trying to lessen the organization's iron clad grip on their lives leaked it's practice to the proletariat and elementary school children. The trend spread so fast throughout the country without the proper rules for it's use being disseminated. This situation came to a head during the 2000 Presidential election when the majority of voters were unaware that they were voting on an opposite day (with opposite side of the street parking rules in effect) and stamped their ballots for Al Gore accidentally handing over the reins of the position of most powerful office in the world to George W. Bush. Luckily, Mr. Bush ended up being the right man for the job, leading the United States and the world to eight years of peace and prosperity...and really there's nothing more trendly than peace, prosperity and continued economic gain...well, except for opposite day.

Careers: First Base Coach

2008-06-19T13:47:00.003-04:00

Hey couch Trend-thletes, Do you spend the majority of your day touching your testicles, occasionally brushing your nose and brim of your hat while you watch baseball? If you do, odds are you're looking for a way to parlay those particular talents into at least a summer job. While we here at Trendliest have certainly felt your unemployed pain, we don't like to see you sitting around dilly-dallying in misery. Instead we went out and found you a trendly job option that puts your skill set to good use and leaves you firmly entrenched on an upwardly mobile career path...or should we maybe say base path. Your "search" for employment is over! You're qualified for the trendliest job in sports- First Base Coach.

The First Base coach occupation actually evolved from that of a sexual education teacher. Abner Doubleday, a decorated General who is said to have invented the game of Baseball, was known as a bit of a Casanova in his time spent at Fort Sumter. He spent a great deal of the downtime showing his fellow soldiers how to "french kiss" or as he referred to it, "getting to first base" and was thence given the title "First Base Coach" for that very reason.

Abner Doubleday: Master of First Base and Entendre

It's a little known fact that in the first game of baseball ever played, batsmen were not "safe at first" until they convinced the player covering the bag to engage in a heated make-out session before being tagged with the ball. Likewise, a player was not safe at second until he felt the second basemen over the shirt, which may have had something to do with the game resulting in a scoreless tie.

Most First Base Coaches today start off as actual baseball players who have less than fruitful major or minor league careers. As a result of their lack of prestige as players, these former players are not in high demand for careers as broadcasters or head managerial positions. Fortunately, organizations throw them a bone and allow them to stand by first base and pretend that they're giving valuable advice to players who have the talent to place the ball in a strategic spot within the field of play. This allows them to feel close to the game and that they're providing a indispensable service to the team by keeping their players at ease while on the basepath.

A First Base Coach Hard At Work

Additionally, while a batter is at the plate. the First Base Coach gets to do all of the crotch tugging and brim stroking he wants under the guise that he's "giving signs." In actuality, that's the third base coach's job. The First Base Coach is a living, breathing, spitting, ear-tugging diversion.

Despite, the reliance on former athletes to fill the role of First Base coach, owners and general managers alike have taken to hiring people with little to no experience for the position, so long as they have an outgoing personality, a basic understanding of the game or a season of little league under their belt. Did we mention that First base coaches can make upwards of around $450,000 a year? Now that's a salary you could live on for doing a job that demands virtually no effort and transforms your need repeatedly adjust your junk in public into a socially acceptable practice. Now that's what we call trendly!

Places: Selma, Alabama

2008-06-17T12:17:00.000-04:00

Why hello there residents of Trend York City. Does your 40-hour-a-week job as an architect and second job selling hot roasted nuts barely net you enough money to keep that roof over your head and your tummy full of top ramen? Perhaps your current place of residence doesn't allow for the suitable quality of life that usually comes commensurate with your salary. Maybe you're looking for a cheaper locale in which you can get your career moving, settle down with a wife and 4.3 children, or just be a hip urban youngster enjoying the prime of your youth.

Well, if one of those three things sounds like what you're after....then we've got just the place for you to realize your American Dream. We here at Trendliest reckon you should be headed for a place where your money will go miles further than most other urban areas... a place like Selma, Alabama.

Welcome To Selma, Alabama!

Not only is this southern city located on the muddy banks of the Mississippi, a historical landmark, but the "Butterfly Capital of the World" is practically begging to be gentrified....by you! If you've been living in a bubble...or Selma, Alabama and have no idea what gentrification is, it's the process whereby young socially tolerant, upwardly-mobile (not Mobile, Alabama) white people take up residence in urban areas occupied largely by minorities and force that area's minorities out by opening watering holes with indie-rock jukeboxes so that other young, hip, white people might feel comfortable should they decide to move to said town.

Yes there'll plenty to do in Selma, Alabama once you've moved there and opened a record store or co-founded a blog about being a big city transplant in the deep south that will be read by a wide variety of northeastern hipsters who enjoy laughing at the differences they have with people less fortunate than them. This will naturally lead to a lucrative book deal and a film franchise starring the enchanting Reese Witherspoon.

Prius Fast! Prius Fast! Thank God Almighty, I Drive My Prius Fast!

While acclimating yourself to your new southern surroundings you should also have the opportunity to fight off advances from the local Ku Klux Klan chapter who will no doubt try to initiate you into their organization or even re-enact Martin Luther King Jr.'s historic March on Selma by driving your Prius back and forth in between there and Montgomery.

If all of that activity is not your speed, you can just stay home and sit on the porch enjoying that beautiful southern scenery while ironically listening to "Sweet Home Alabama" on your iPod whilst wearing a confederate flag t-shirt. Now if movin' your hide down to Selma, Alabama don't sound trendly to you, maybe we're just whistlin' dixie.

Methods: Making Lists

2008-06-16T00:42:00.010-04:00

Hey trend-thusiasts, do you know what's important to you? More importantly, do you know in what order those things are important to you? If you said no, or you're still not sure perhaps you should attempt to use the trendliest way of ranking things - making a list.

Behold, The Original Copy of Ten Things You Shouldn't Do!

Ever since Moses led the Jews out of Egypt on the heels of making a list of "The Ten Things that Would Totally Suck if they Befell the Egyptians for not Letting My People Go" (more recently known as "The Ten Plagues" thanks to that movie with Charlton Heston) making lists has been totally trendly. While Moses was the original list-maker he was soon trumped by the man upstairs who made a list of "Ten Things People Shouldn't Do" (more recently known as "The Ten Commandments" thanks to that movie with Charlton Heston). This list was so rife with important items such as #1: Thou Shalt Not Kill and #11: Don't Eat Shellfish that they became

so much engrained into the collective conscious of mankind that today they are referred to as "common sense" thanks to the handy pamphlet by Thomas"Charlton" Paine.

Bea Arthur #2 On The Hottest 100 of 1976...Can you guess who was #1?
(Hint: It rhymes with Harrah Hawcett)

Lists have gone through a complete evolution since the days of yore and while most people ignore that formerly trendly "common sense" list, the advent of post-its and magazines has given new life to the process of making lists. Lists not only help by numerically telling people what to do and how to do said things, but they also serve to help by telling people the order of betterness or importance where most things in the world stand. Without lists we'd never be able to know who the "Hottest 100 Women" in the world are in any given year or who the "Best College Football Team" is on a week-by-week basis. Why without lists most people would resemble a lost puppy shopping for groceries in the woods.

Ol' St. Nick: The Most Scrupulous Listmaker of Them All

Perhaps the most successful utilizer of the eternal list craze is Santa Claus, who makes two lists each year, one consisting of those who are naughty and one consisting of those who are less naughty. Not only does he bother to make this list, but he checks it twice just to be sure it's
accurate, which is more than can be said for those who compile Spin Magazine's annual "Top 40 Albums of the Year" list.

Furniture: Nightstands

2008-06-12T13:42:00.000-04:00

Hello my In-trend-ior decorators. Do you wake up in the middle of the night reaching for a glass of water or that book you want to read only to find it resting on your carpet below your bed? Are you looking for the perfect bedroom accessory to complement your cushy queen-sized? If these two terrible problems are a plague on your house, perhaps you should invest in the fanciest furniture find that trendsetters everywhere are investing in...nightstands.

Nightstands were originally invented by pimps as a a place for their prostitutes and gigolos to keep their condoms as they repeatedly engaged in one night stands...which is where the term "Nightstand" actually comes from. With the sexual revolution raging out of control in the 1970's and with key parties being all the rage, nightstands moved out of brothels and into the bedrooms of promiscuous couples as a way of telling their more kinky friends that they were down for anything. As a result these "nightstands" were always them stocked with condoms, multiple copies of "I'm Okay, You're Okay" and an autographed picture of Larry from Three's Company.

"You Can Knock On My Door Or Reach For My Nightstand Anyday"

However, with Reagan's election in the 1980's sexual repression hit a new high and people began reading in bed rather than utilizing it's springs. It was all reading glasses and Robert Ludlum novels for the next 15 years or so.

Today sexual morés have relaxed once again and as long as you don't have a ice pick in the draw of your night stand most people would be glad to take a spin on your tempur-pedic as long as you've got the right stuff inside your one night stand...making them totally trendly yet again.,

Literature: Magazines

2008-06-10T14:58:00.000-04:00

Hello trendliest fans. Do you love reading but hate all of the distraction created by the radioactive glow of the Internet and the overall length of books? Is The Da Vinci Code too complex for a delicate mind such as your own that would rather be indulging in important matters such as finding out which sexy starlet prefers dating normal guys and what the best ways are to tell if your man is cheating? Maybe you'd even like to read lists alerting you to all the up and coming travel destinations, Strokes albums or STD's that are going to be cool in the coming year? Well, if all of this sounds appealing to you, maybe we can interest you in the friendliest literary trend to hit the shelves since road maps....the magazine.

Silas Marner by George Eliot killed more people than The Scabies Epidemic

Magazines have been around ever since the 1880's when most human beings were illiterate. To most of the illiterati, reading a lengthy book such as Watership Down, The Joy of Sex, or Silas Marner was equated with death, because it took so long to sound the words out. Most people only read one book in their lifetime. The publishing industry swiftly responded by releasing Life Magazine which mostly consisted of pretty pictures of nature and people dying while not reading. This remedied the death sentence which was the practice of reading anything by Steinbeck.

It took a long time for the magazine industry to flourish as there was much disease and strife on the industrialized landscape. The only interest most people had was "life" since it was so precious and fleeting, they didn't have time to focus on their "House & Garden" or even "Juggs". For a brief spell in the 1940's "War" and "Japanese Internment Monthly" were a big hit on the periodical front with a great deal of Americans, but "Life" was still the most popular focus of the widespread masses.

Some Magazines Have No Target Audience

With Post-WWII prosperity, the magazine industry really took off. People finally had the money to focus on other interests like themselves, model trains, fields, streams, and mercenary work. Nowadays, with scores of technological advances the choices of hobbies and the magazines that reflect them are infinite. Why there are nearly 70 magazines about staying "In Touch" with what our favorite "Entertainment" stars are up to "weekly" and nearly as many that serve the sole purpose of allowing teen girls to relay embarrassing stories of getting their period. So what are your interests? No matter what you're into, whether you like Lizards or Country Rock there's probably a magazine you can pick up to read all about it in short bursts, because reading a book about those would most certainly take up way too much time. And as we all know...we need that time to live, because life will always be trendly, provided there are plenty of pictures.

Paranormal: Ghosts

2008-06-09T14:04:00.000-04:00

Hey trendbusters, if there's something trendy in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Trendliest obviously. Today's hot trend in the paranormal world is so Trendly it's spooky. Ever since Sam and Molly Wheat demolished a perfectly good potential vase in favor of sex,
seeing Ghosts has been all the rage. We saw it four times in theaters and even own the dvd.

Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts

However, these supernatural beings aren't just making their trendliness known on your TV and in multiplexes existing in a time warp; they're everywhere...under your bed, on top of the sofa,
sleeping with your girlfriend, and even in your closet next to all of those skeletons and that tub of vaseline. Super talented Indie Rock duo, The Indigo Girls were so totally in love with ghosts, they wrote a song about it. Though it's not as good as Ray Parker Jr.'s classic tune about those who "bust ghosts."

Brought Ghosts and Tantric Sex To Forefront of Pop Culture

So why are these apparitions scaring up so much hype? Well, we think it dates back to that Police album Ghost In The Machine, which had that awesome song "Demolition Man." Rumor has it Sting played a killer bass line and had tantric sex throughout the entire recording of that song.

How The Dead Enjoy Eternity

Other trend experts think ghosts are the hop paranormal piece de resistance, because most people are overly sentimental and like to hold onto their false hope that their dead relatives still have some of influence on their lives. Little do they know their dead relatives actually just
like to haunt people they don't know for the hell of it just because they can. Since most of them discovered that heaven doesn't exist they have no better way to kill eternity and simultaneously get their kicks...and really what's more trendly than getting your kicks at the expense of others.

Leisure: Summer Camp

2008-06-04T13:45:00.001-04:00

Hey trendly parentals, are you looking for the a reasonable summer vacation idea, but you don't want to have to go far from home and you certainly don't want to have to take the kids? What if we told you that you and your spouse could have the vacation of a lifetime without ever leaving your house? Actually, you'll have to leave three times. Once when you drive your children to the sleepaway camp bus, once on visiting day (optional), and once when you pick them up from the bus. Yes, sending your child away to sleepaway camp is the hottest trend in parental leisure next to joining a swingers club in your local metropolitan area.

Shipping your kids to sleepaway camp not only is a great way to teach your little ones vital social and athletic skills, but it's also a wonderful way to get rid of them for an entire two months so you can finally fulfill that bizarre sexual fantasy you and your spouse have of "doing it" on their bed. While you're at it you can even work the kitchen and the washing machine into the mix as well. After all, no one's around to find you out about your sexual proclivities provided you don't feel the need to broadcast it by starting your own adult website.

Not Presently Worried What Mommy and Daddy Are Up To

While little Timmy and Terry are kicking the soccer ball around, singing fun songs, learning swear words from counselors and taking their first steps towards sexual discovery by going on social raids and taking turns reading aloud from Penthouse Forum; parents can take comfort in knowing that for an entire eight weeks their children won't be scarred by any memories of walking in on daddy wearing a ball gag or seeing mommy with a whip and a double-sided vibrating dildo...unless of course they find the sordid photos and/or videotape of the event haphazardly laying around the house come Autumn.

Sometimes Mommy Wants Daddy To Call Her "Daddy"

While the end of Summer may seem bittersweet as the arrival of your children ultimately calls into effect a coitus interruptus, at least you can finally go back to being a loving parent. Though it may take a couple of weeks to regain your physical parenting capabilities on account of the lingering soreness from the two months worth of sexual intercourse. You know what they say, "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and being a stronger parent is certainly on top of the list of that which is friendly and trendy.

Health: Male Enhancement

2008-06-03T10:50:00.006-04:00

Hey there Trendly fellows, did you get an eyeful of someone else's jock whilst sashaying around the locker room? Was it exponentially bigger than yours? Don't let that tiny case of penis envy get you down. You deserve to feel good about what the good lord gave you, and if you have more money than that other guy does there's no reason you can't engage in the latest health trend...a little something we here at the Trendliest like to call "Male Enhancement."

Bob Dole Describes The Miracle of Male Enhancement

Yes, "Male Enhancement" has come along way since Viagra was invented in 1998 for the sole purpose of getting Bob Dole's member to stand at attention. Now every man who's just a tad insecure about their package can effectively remedy their earthly insignificance to the opposite sex by purchasing a Lamborghini and erecting a phallus-like building with their name on it followed by the word "Tower." Not only does this compensate for a lack of manhood by showing off that one's manhood is indeed eighty-five stories high, but it also gives said male a tower with their name on it, which pretty much makes up for an inability to accomplish anything else of note...in bed; just ask Donald Empire, the guy they named the Empire State Building after.

Donald Empire's Manhood

If creating an architectural erection doesn't do the trick, one might want to use some of that left over money (provided there is some left over after the building and the fast car and subsequent trips to fancy restaurants that aim at eventually getting to show off that newfound "confidence") to invest in some "male enhancement" products offered via spam mail on the Internet or in TV infomercials. "Male enhancement" products have the power to make any man feel adequate due to their ability to manipulate the optical senses to convince oneself that indeed the stud in question's member is indeed enviable. Unfortunately, there is no physical reality associate with these products but brain manipulation is just about next on the docket for trendliness, next to being well endowed of course.

Technology: Wireless Internet

2008-06-02T10:08:00.007-04:00

Hello trend-browsers, are you reading this post pants-less from the comfort of your very own kitchen, or better yet, the comfort of your porcelain throne supplied by the kind folks at American Standard? Well, why not? We wrote this entire post from the john, so there's no reason you shouldn't be reading it from there. That is unless of course, you're not hip to the latest friendly trend in technology, Wireless Internet.

Yes folks Wireless Internet is the wave of the present. Ever since the invention of the laptop in early 1980's people have been in search of a reason to carry their computers around wherever they go. Prior to the its invention people would ferry their laptop computers around for the sole purpose of showing everyone else they had a laptop. How dull!

The First Laptop Sat On Your Lap and Played Asia Cassettes

The need for wireless internet was first realized by Al Gore, who during the 2000 race for the White House, desperately wanted to participate in a CNN viewer poll asking “Who Won The Election?” Unfortunately, Gore only had a desktop PC in his office that was several feet from his TV room that took more than a two minutes to boot up and log on, thus he never got his vote in. The then Vice President realized that if he had a laptop with some sort of wireless internet, he could’ve voted and his one vote may have made a marked difference in the poll which finished with an even 50-50 count.

Al Gore Tries Attempting to Get To CNN.COM Before The Poll Closes

Gore immediately attempted to share his new idea with Bill Gates, but unfortunately, the Microsoft principle was busy playing Duke Nukem over his dial up connection and the call never went through. The dejected President non-elect however contacted several other captains of industry as well as David Blaine and before the world knew it…wireless Internet was a reality.

"Why Am I Chatting With You From The Top of This Mountain?...I Guess Because I Can."

Presently more than 68% of US residents are blessed with the miracle of a wireless web connection, the majority of whom use this technological blessing to monitor the statistics of whatever sporting event they are currently watching or to browse porn sites from whichever room in the house or at work they deem to be most private. Still some even use it to carry their computers to public parks and assure everyone within earshot that they're having hilarious conversations with other people sporting similar technological capabilities. Yes, the wireless revolution has made being tethered to that bulky desktop a thing of the past, giving people the power to send instant messages to their friends no matter what they happen to be doing in the bathroom. Now that's that we here at Trendliest call progress and it's positively trendly.

Entertainment: The Sex And The City Movie

2008-05-30T11:48:00.000-04:00

Say Me-trend-sexuals, is it just us or is there more estrogen in the air than when a Celine Dion dance remix is playing on the radio? Or maybe that's just the smell of Manhattan's most prominent mixologists fixing up special Sextinis for the trendliest film event of the summer....The Sex and The City movie release.

Mmm...Sextinis

That's right, you can stop re-watching the DVD's of all six seasons and taking the Sex and The City bus tour every weekend afternoon just to pass by the alley where Samantha gave that twenty-three year old hustler a hand job, because starting today multiplexes all over the country will be packed with ladies and trend-tleman eager to see their favorite show hit the big screen. Meanwhile, most bars will resemble a complete sausage fest with men blankly staring at each other wondering why there are no women around.

We're Totally A Charlotte

Yes, nearly four years have passed since the hit tv series Sex and The City took a bow and some large questions still loom. But before we get to those vital questions take a sip from your Cosmo and answer us this...Are you a Carrie or a Miranda? We here at the Trendliest totally fancy ourselves a Charlotte...you know, because we're totally brunettes...and a little less skanky and also if you caught wind of the trailer apparently she doesn't shave down there (wink, wink).

OMG! Will She or Won't She?

So what's all the fuss about? Are you kidding? The majority of the trend tracking world spent nearly 2800 minutes over the span of six years totally watching their fave aging spinsters wear fabulous outfits as they brunched at all the Manhattans hot spots, while Carrie took her time to decide if she wanted to marry Big. Frankly, we can't take the anticipation any longer. We're hungry for more deliberation and by the looks of the trailer, that's what we're going to get. The film has a running time of nearly two and half hours. That's almost five episodes worth of should I or shouldn't I? We can't wait.

Maybe after the movie ends we'lll finally have some closure and some Trendlitinis at a Jejune in the Meat Packing district. However, if Carrie decides she shouldn't marry her hunk, that would be just fine by us because that would lead to a sequel. And if you've been doing your part and reading trendliest all along, you'd know sequels are trendly.

Social: Making Bizarre Cultural References in Conversation

2008-05-29T00:45:00.013-04:00

Hello my gifted trend-versationalists. is talking with your friends on a day to day basis as confusing as an "H.R. Pufnstuf"- themed key party hosted by Donna Shalala where David Bowie and Grace Jones are the guests of honor? Do you have any idea what that means? If you said no, well then it's time to get hip to the hot new trend of making bizarre cultural references in everyday conversation.

"That punt was higher than Marion Barry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena."

Ever since Dennis Miller's Lazenby-esque run as color man alongside Al Michaels and Dan Fouts on Monday Night Football had ABC execs pulling a Ronnie Reagan at the Tower Commission hearing on the Iran Contra affair when asked why they cast the former SNL Weekend update anchor in the first place, making bizarre cultural references in conversation has been as unavoidable as a drug reference in a Sid and Marty Krofft show. Just take a look around other Trendliest articles. You couldn't crash land the Hindenburg without running into a post rife with several references that might make you wonder where your mandibula was.

Reagan: "I have no recollection of hiring Dennis Miller"

If you're still as confused as George Takei at a transexual Star Trek convention it's probably best to brush up on your general pop culture and historical knowledge by spending countless hours clicking on as many links as possible on Wikipedia and IMDB.com so that you no longer resemble Helen Keller at a screening of Deep Throat when your friends talk about feeling like LC on the latest episode of The Hills. Instead you'll be as laid back as Alfred E. Neuman smoking a J in bed with Loretta Swit saying, "What Me Worry?" How's that for being trendly...if you catch our drift.

Leisure: Zoos

2008-05-27T02:38:00.008-04:00

Hello you trendly party animals! We here at the Trendliest know that you're absolutely exhausted from your Memorial day weekend festivities. In fact, we've decided that from now on it's probably best you leave the horsing around to the horses, zebras, and unicorns. However, if you do feel the inclination to live vicariously through animals that know how to get down, there's no trendlier place to visit than the Zoo."Where'd This Fence Thing Come From?"

Yes, ever since land developers began putting up fences and accidentally blocking rare animals from escaping from small expanses close to their homes, zoos have been a hot spot for both family and adult entertainment alike, as well as serving as a valuable learning environment for the potentially criminally inclined. Zoos not only provide bestiality enthusiasts an ideal environment for getting off on watching caged helpless arthropods yearn for freedom from the insides of their relatively miniature enclosures, they also provides parents with an ideal setting to teach their mischievous children valuable lessons about the harsh realities of incarceration by showing them an entire family of tigers living in an expanse one thousandth the size of their natural habitat.

A Dejected Family of Tigers After Their latest Escape Plot is Thwarted

However, there's more to Zoos than their ability to exhibit the repressive powers of fences; many visitors also get the invaluable experience of observing artificial environments undisturbed by their animal inhabitants who prefer to sleep in their man made caves away from the crowds. Imagine the thrill of being able to view a rock formation where a Kodiak bear will decide to sit once the zoo closes and the spectators have left.

While some animals shy away from the parental paparazzi eager to teach their children of the wonders of nature, others relish the limelight displaying their knack for frequent defecation and sexual desire. Monkeys are particularly adept at both, pairing them with their athletic penchant for projecting the results of both activities towards a fascinated crowd.

And they got...it...on

Yes trendly boys and girls, the zoo provides potential visitors with plenty of activity beyond their wildest expectations...and it sure beats sitting at home on your couch and watching that BBC Planet Earth show. After all, the trendliest way to experience nature is being right there in the thick of it.

Entertainment: Sequels

2008-05-22T10:56:00.001-04:00

Hey film fans, are you still mad at the makers of No Country For Old Men for not telling you how the rest of Tommy Lee Jones' character's life ends up at the end the movie? We certainly feel your pain. The fact is, no movie is complete until you find out what happens with the rest of everyone in the film's life or without one of those sequences at the end where a few lines of text tell you what all of the characters did with the rest of their lives. However, there's a reason a lot filmmakers don't include those important tidbits of information just before the closing credits. Why is that you ask? Well, put quite simply, they smell sequel. Yes ladies and gentleman, sequels are a friendly and trendy way to allow film goers to keep track of their favorite characters over the years while filmmakers reap the continuing critical acclaim.

Star Wars...Otherwise Known As The Holy Sextilogy

While plenty of sequels score big at the box office, most sequels are noted for being lauded by the press despite being virtually unseen at the theater. It's often thought that the quality of a series improves with each successive film. The shining example of this is the Star Wars Sextilogy. The majority of that franchise's fans will heartily agree that films four, five and six are the best of the bunch.

The first sequel to raise a big box office stink despite being hailed by Time Magazine's Richard Corliss as "The Best Movie I've Ever Seen" was 1942's Casablanca 2: Play It Again. That trend was followed dutifully by masterpieces such as Missing in Action 2: The Beginning and Driving Miss Daisy 2: Tokyo Drift. While both failed to cover production expenses, the former featured an Oscar®-nominated turn by Chuck Norris as Colonel James J. Braddock, whereas the latter took home a best director nod for McG.

"I'm Tryin' To Drift You To The Sto' "

This summer sequels are all the rage. With the recent release of sequels like Rocky Balboa, Rambo, Over the Top II, and Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls, film fans and critics alike are being shepherded to multiplexes to catch all of the exciting potentially award-winning fanfare. Tantamount Pictures has even decided to capitalize on this friendly trend with the release of the first sequel without an original film, Explosive Intimidation II, featuring the return of Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme. However, don't expect these films to rake in the dough. Film isn't about making money, it's about making art...and seeing as making art is a totally pretentious practice, we hereby deem the art of the sequel trendlier than ever.

Cultural: Not Owning A Television

2008-05-21T12:57:00.000-04:00

Hello my darling trend-tellectuals, did you catch last night's episode of Women's Murder Club? If we know you, you probably missed it because you you were reading Nietzsche or even attending a cocktail party because you're obviously too trendy for school. However, if you really wanted to knock our socks off with your reason for missing television's #1 exclusively female crime dramedy, you'd hand us the holy grail of trendly excuses which is you don't even own a television.

The Women's Murder Club is too busy solving murders to own a TV

The trend of "not owning a television" has been around since the dawn of "The Television Era" in 1939. Back then television was an exclusive pleasure that only the upper class got to enjoy. Many of the poor masses missed out on vital moments in entertainment history such as Zippy The Wonder Dog's Triple Flip sponsored by Parliament Cigarettes and Milton Berle's twenty- eight minute soliloquy on the length of his penis, brought to you by Maxwell House.

Berle: "Seriously...It's That Long Folks"

However, as time wore on television became more affordable for the working class and it was a badge of honor to be able to provide one for one's family. By the 1970's nearly every working class family wore that badge and the television became yet another rather commonplace household item. The Boob Tube (because you could totally see boobs on it) also played a large role in increasing the knowledge base of people all over the world with educational shows like "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" and "The Adventures of Starsky & Hutch brought to you by the new 1971 Ford Torino". This era was known as the Golden Age of Television, and it lasted nearly 28 years until 1998.

It was around this time that Stephen slapped Irene on the "MTV's Real World Seattle" because Irene had accused Stephen of being gay. After this point most true intellectuals became greatly disillusioned with the world of television. A good amount of them decided to rid themselves of what they deemed the "idiot box" then and there, while most of them held on for a few more years hoping shows like "That's So Raven" and "Elimidate Deluxe" could satisfy their need for intelligent entertainment.

A Product of The Stephen Irene Fallout

Nowadays, anyone who wants to prove both their trendliness and intelligence absolutely, positively does not possess a TV. They spend most of their time frequenting bakeries, telling other people they don't own a TV, and reading PerezHilton.com...And if they want to know what happened on last week's Women's Murder Club, all they have to do is watch it on ABC.com.

Social: Public Displays of Affection

2008-05-20T11:29:00.000-04:00

Hello trendly soldiers in the army of love, is that your face we see firmly planted in the bosom and/or crotch of your lover? Oh don't stop on our account. We here at The Trendliest are all for your not so covert romantic tryst. Not only do we think your need to consummate your relationship in our presence is rather touching, but it's also overflowing with trendliness. After all, public displays of affection are all the rage these days.

Seeing couples out on street corners sucking face no matter what the weather, is pretty much the norm no matter where in the world you or Carmen Sandiego are. Have you ever stopped to think why you've managed to happen upon so many used condoms while strolling the park or traipsing down a sidestreet? Well, those condoms strewn about are a result of a public display of affection...or a quickie attempt at spreading chlamydia. Either way it was done where others might see the act take place, because at least one of the parties involved totally gets off on doing "it" ("it: meaning affection) in public.

THIS often leads to....

THIS!

Public displays of affection or "PDAs" as they're commonly referred to by onlookers or Palm Treo users, aren't limited to outdoor locations. They can occur in a busy store or restaurant. Really what's better than showing the unsupervised neighborhood children running around at the local coffee shop how your tongue looks in your significant other's mouth as you inform her of your pressing need to be "inside her"? After all, they have to learn what love is some time and seeing as their local Republican Congressman successfully lobbied to remove sexual education from their school's curriculum they'd otherwise end up flying blind. However, thanks to trendly public displays of affection, kids can learn about the birds and the bees in a more realistic, less sterile environment such as Barnes and Noble.

Health: Joining A Gym

2008-05-19T12:04:00.001-04:00

Are you slacking on your new year's resolution to be slightly less corpulent? Whether or not you're serious about telling people your goal to weigh more than Olsen Twins combined, but not quite enough to require a crane to lift you from both your doldrums and your bedroom, the fact is, there's only one way to turn yourself from a Fiddle Faddle eating fatty into someone who annoyingly describes themselves as feeling "fit as a fiddle...Actually, there are probably three ways, but only one of them is trendly and that's joining a gym.

It's Not Called Fitness Faddle

Ever since 1990, when the cold war was coming to an end and most of the world was emerging from it's cocaine addled hangover, the majority of people all over the globe have been obsessed with fitness. Men and women alike join gyms, spas and fitness clubs en masse for the express purpose of trying to convince the opposite sex that they are indeed in good enough shape to have sex as they creepily leer at on another from afar whilst using a Stairmaster.

Hey...How's It Going?

Gyms aren't just great places to tempt a restraining order. They're a top notch option for anyone who harbors a serious desire to run on a treadmill next to someone who smells as though they've been swimming in a sewer for the last three days or maybe feels the need to catch a glimpse of someone else's "manhood" on flagrant display in the locker room. Also, gyms are an ideal setting to pump yourself up with testosterone by listening to Metallica's black album and then channeling that violent rage into one set of ten curls.

"Exit Light! Enter Night! Take my hand. We're off to never never land!"

Aside from actually attaining fitness, the act of joining a gym allows those who don't necessarily consider themselves fit freaks to acquire the illusion of dedication to their own health for a nominal monthly fee. In turn, members can effectively keep up their fitness ruse by showing up one or two times a week and wandering around the perimeter looking for a machine they might want to use for five minutes to achieve some level of muscle tone. Either way...they can still say they paid to join a fitness club...and as you should well know, becoming a member of an exclusive members only club is almost always trendly.

Social: The Woodworks

2008-05-16T02:12:00.000-04:00

Whether or not you consider yourself a member of Generation X, Generation Y, The MTV Generation, or The Generation that really hates to be labeled with letters; if you're under the age of 40, odds are that you're currently lumped into a new generation known as the Social Networking Generation. Ever since the dawn of Friendster sometime around 2003, it's been totally trendy to have a digital space to show all of your friends how many other friends you have just in case you want to make them jealous that you might have other people to hang out with besides them or if you want your other friends to find someone attractive within your group of friends that they don't know that they may want to have unprotected sex with and/or fall in deep like with.

Aside from the glory that comes along with showing off the fact that you are semi-acquainted with more than 116 people, there are some thrilling occurrences that go along with Social Networking. Perhaps the biggest thrill comes from a group of Social Networkers which we here at The Trendliest call the "Woodworks". The "Woodworks" are the group of people from your past who you may have met in school or perhaps during a boating accident that come seemingly out of nowhere or from the deep recesses of the forest known as the Internet to declare that you are indeed friends with them despite having been out of your life for somewhere between ten to fifteen years. While there are a decent portion of these so-called "Woodworks" that are recognized as welcome additions, many of them might as well go back to existing in the vacuum where they came from.

So why do they do it? Why do these "Woodworks" feel the need to re-establish contact with your metaphorical mission control? Maybe they're hoping to rekindle a long dormant friendship or rehash some of the good ol' times. While those possibilities sound marginally fantastic, chances are they just want to add you to their impressive roster of people they sort of know, but aren't planning on speaking to or getting together with any time soon. No matter how curious you are about their well being or their whereabouts...all you are to them is a personal ornament on display for their own popularity's sake that they can occasionally spy on.

This begs the question, why even accept woodworks into your social networking circle? Well, trendly Internet denizen, while there is no positively concrete answer to this query, there are certain acceptable responses; the first being that becoming friends with a "woodwork" may arouse enough curiosity in said person that they might see fit to rediscover your once unbreakable bond. However, the most popular reason for acceptance of said netquaintances is the hope that adding them to your friend roster will result in a future hand job or awkward sexual encounter made possible by a binge drinking outing.

Yes, the Social Networking Era...has blessed us with many gifts. We have the ability to play Scrabulous with our friends online or digitally "poke them" when we're not physically trying to poke them. However, one thing still persists and that's the "Woodworks". Nary a day goes by when someone doesn't come out of the woodwork to say, "Hey Trendliest, we were friends once...let's be friends and ignore each other just like old times." Yes, friendship with absolutely, positively no commitment necessary. Now that's what we call trendly!

Beverages: Energy Drinks

2008-05-15T12:19:00.000-04:00

Have you been sitting on the toilet for the last two years hoping that one day you'd gather the will to finally leave your overbearing boyfriend and maybe flush the toilet and have the strength left over to light a courtesy match? Or maybe you're firmly fixed to your couch hoping to muster that last bit of brawn it takes to reach your remote so that you can switch the channel from The View to something more stimulating like The Maury Povich.

While we admire your desire to do something more productive, we here at The Trendliest are also aware that it takes energy to fulfill those desperate desires. So to help you out of your predicament, we're going to fill you in on the latest friendly trend that just might give you the wherewithal to scratch those eternal or most temporary of itches...Energy Drinks.

Sure there are plenty of drinks that might give you a gradual boost like orange juice or lighter fluid...but the down side to those drinks is that none of them taste good with alcohol or are suitable for the rock 'n' roll lifestyle.

Apparently Gives You Wings If Mixed With Just The Right Amount of Vodka

In fact, first Energy drinks were invented by rock stars and rappers who needed something stronger than Mountain Dew, but less expensive than their cocaine habit, that they could be seen drinking in public without arousing suspicion of being mixed with either Vodka or Hennessey as they were being followed by probation officers. The more outlandish they acted, the more they could claim that these "energy drinks" made them totally high on life even though they were totally just compensating for the effects of the alcoholic beverage that Nikki Sixx had just mainlined and vomited into their Red Bull.

Too Fast For Love...Thanks To Energy Drinks

Energy drinks aren't just for musicians anymore. Starlets fresh out of rehab cling to beverages like Crunk Juice and ENERGYINYOURFACE!™ in the hopes that it'll serve as a suitable alternative for that sweet, sweet crack rock. Even elderly folks using wheelchairs can be seen taking large sips of SuperHYPEBuzz!™ in order to hold on to the false hope that they'll miraculously be able to fit in a game of half-court one on one before they eventually keel over and die.

Currently there are more than 624 energy drinks on the market from Crunk Juice to Liquid Meth (now made with actual ammonia)™ and as long as there are celebrities and drug addicts on probation or designated drivers in need of some sort of stimulant placebo they'll remain the trendliest beverages around.

Leisure: Medieval Times

2008-05-14T11:54:00.000-04:00

Greetings Knights and Knightesses of The Trendly Table. Dost thou have an interest in being entertained, but can't find the perfect family activity that combines violence, Cornish Game Hen, and possible spread of the Bubonic Plague? Well fret no longer Lords and Ladies of Trendcesterchire...because we've got something that's right up your drawbridge, the latest trend in family entertainment, Medieval Times.
Medieval Times has been ironically around since about the 3rd Century B.C. when the Sumerians, in efforts to confuse the invading Mongolians dressed up like metal clad "future beings" that they had seen in a "moving picture" (which is to say a cave painting that got wheeled around once the wheel was invented) of their day, and began attacking each other in a bizarre manner which involved smacking each other with metal poles for no good reason whilst sitting on their respective camels. The Mongolian invaders rather than follow through with their invasion decided to camp out and watch the bizarre ritual, eventually settling down for a feast of Cornish Game Hen as they cheered on the festivities.

Ye Loyal Subjects Must Be Allowed To Finish Ye Cornish Game Hen

Over the years the spectacle that is Medieval Times evolved into a tournament held amongst European Knights on horses who would often compete in this "jousting" match for the love of a fair maiden. Most times these tournaments would never reach their logical conclusion seeing as the red knight had a penchant for swooping up the Princess or a random yet strikingly beautiful peasant child bride that all of the other knights had their eye on before she could even finish her Cornish Game Hen. A stolen princess would often be returned after a few days due to the fact that her chastity belt could not be unlocked and the tournament would re-commence lest that Knight be a skilled Metalsmith.

Ye Must Alway Be Wary Of The Red Knight...A Skilled Metalsmith

Current incarnations of Medieval Times are held in family friendly arenas of the suburban Kingdoms of New Jersey, Florida, and Orange County, California. They are a popular destination for Elementary Schools looking to teach children of the more "fun" aspects of Medieval life as they conveniently gloss over the horrors of both the plague and the crusades in favor of the delightful dinner combination of Cornish Game Hen (sans utensils) and Pepsi drank from an ornate chalice. However, every tournament still ends with the victorious knight picking a princess or peasant child-bride from the audience whether her parents approve or not. Nonetheless, Medieval Times is puts a modern day spin on a tradition of old, making it an absolutely friendly and trendy way to catch a fine evening of sport coupled with an inaccurate depiction of history and the opportunity to marry off your daughter at an age presently deemed to be entirely too young.

Societal: Apathy

2008-05-13T11:45:00.000-04:00

Hey Trend activists, did you know that there's a war going on in Iraq? "Whatever", you say? Well okay, if that's how you feel about then you're positively trendly because being apathetic is the latest friendly trend sweeping the nation.

Whether Seal is playing at your local concert hall or endangered baby seals are being clubbed by poachers, being totally apathetic is the first step in not doing anything about the matter. While many advocates for positive social action have deemed apathy to be a societal problem that begets more undesirable circumstances, efforts to end it have gone largely unrewarded due to overall lack of interest.

We'll Catch Him On The Next Tour

The first attempt at quashing the apathy epidemic took place in 1996 at Ramapo High School in Spring Valley, N.Y. when the Ramapo End Apathy Program (REAP) was instituted. The program's goal was to get students more involved in community activity, but students instead marked this initiative by telling other people they'd just been "reaped" and forgetting to attend meetings, which served to actually enhance the trend.

Apathy still thrives today inasmuch that we're entirely too uninspired to even expound on the matter. Now that's what we call trendly.

Music: Funk

2008-05-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

Welcome back Trendly friends. Did you miss us while we were away? We hope not too much. Who are we kidding? We hope you missed us lots because then you'll be thrilled to know that during our vacation time, we discovered all sorts of exclusive and friendly trends that we'll be passing along to you, our privileged readers. So are you ready to "get down" to the nitty gritty? We certainly are.

Are you longing to march to the beat of a different drummer because the current drummer you're marching to has a difficult time performing "We Will Rock You" on Rock band's easiest setting? Well maybe you need to change your tune entirely and get hip to the hoppest genre of music there is...Funk.

Many people associate Funk music with famous 70's bands like Sly and The Family Stone, K.C. and The Sunshine Band, and Peter, Paul, and Funktastic...but most people don't know that Funk music is just another sad example of black people co-opting white culture. The first "Funk" song was actually the Star-Spangled Banner. The song, also known as the National Anthem" was written by Francis Scott Key and is crazy funky, spanning eight octaves. In fact, the term "Funky" is a by product of the name Francis Scott Key. The first time Key sang the song for US Naval Academy band, one of the trumpet players asked "is F (Francis' nickname) on key?" Another player overheard him thinking he was describing the song as "Fonky". As time wore on, people began to fiddle with the first "Fonky" song adding hot bass-lines and changing the lyrics altogether until the song sounded something like Parliament Funkadelic's "Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow". The word "Fonky"followed suit evolving into funky.

The "Fonky" One
The Funky One

Nowadays everyone is getting into "Funk" music. Young people everywhere that smoke heaps of pot and think both Phish, Dave Matthews, and Snoop Dogg are really "solid" are being inspired to grab a bass and five or six other marginally talented bandmates to kick out the jams. In order to found a formidable modern day Funk outfit there are several crucial elements that must be combined. First, the band must consist of a majority of white bandmates save for one African- American who can really "bust out" on the trumpet or saxophone. The second crucial element for a funk band is a cool name that incorporates the word "Funk". Some acceptable names include "Confunkshun Junction", "Grand Funk Railroad" and "Funk Your Mother".

Correct Funk Band Lineup

If a band wants to be known as a "fusion funk" band, meaning they incorporate Jazz, Disco, Pakistani Qawwali music, and Dave Matthews into their sound, they can also employ the word "Soul" into their moniker. For example, "Soulgazm" or "The Soulfunk Fusion Express Train" are valid fusion band names. The third step to a long and fruitful career as a "Funk" band is to frequent bars that only feature other marginally talented, mostly caucasian funk bands and cater to a mostly upper-middle class collegiate fan-base who have no rhythm, but love to dance by moving their arms as though they were weaving some sort of "air craft".

After all what's more friendly and trendy than dancing and creating a non-existent art project with your own hands. That's for us to know and you to find out...by listening to some Funk music...the trendliest music there is...for now.

Leisure: Vacation

2008-04-30T11:53:00.000-04:00

Hello my hard working trend-ployees. Is the daily grind stressing you out? All of those hours you put in playing solitaire on your computer, standing around waiting for fly balls, or tailing Britney Spears as she drives from the gynecologist to Wendy's to get a good snapshot can really take it's toll on your sanity. You need a trendly fix to bring that blood pressure from a boil to a simmer and turn that frown upside down. Luckily, you've come to the right place because we're giving you two all expense paid tickets to the latest friendly trend in leisure, going on vacation. All aboard the train to Trendly Island.

Vacationing itself has a long and treasured history. The concept was first outlined in 1983 by the Griswold Family of Illinois as a way for families to potentially kill off an unlikable elderly relative and her annoying dog while spending lengthy amounts of quality time in a cramped space while traversing the roads United States of America . Vacations soon became rites of passage for younger children as it allowed them to discover the danger of marijuana and the thrill of participating in the armed takeover of amusement parks. It even afforded family patriarchs the opportunity to go skinny dipping with attractive blonde models who drove Ferraris...and believe us that was one of the trendlier sticking points that had many families taking to our nation's highways.

Clark W. Griswold: Vacation Visionary

In 1985, The Griswold Family upped the ante, allowing the folks at documentary film company, National Lampoon, to follow them on their revolutionary trip to the European continent. Before this time, Americans only ever traveled to Europe on business.

Señor Frog's: Home of The Triple Kiss

While the Griswolds may have blazed trails for a new kind of travel, vacationing has evolved quite a bit since their heyday, allowing for plenty more options than just U.S. road trips and European jaunts. Travelers are now flooded with more choices than they can shake a stick at. Some of the most trendly vacation packages allow travelers the opportunity to romance a ladyboy in Bangkok, triple kiss with twenty something's at Senor Frogs in Cancun while someone wearing a Girls Gone Wild hat films them, and even lose their life-savings at a $15 dollar black jack table game in Atlantic City.

There's plenty more vacay alternatives where that came from...and to prove it we here at The Trendliest are taking a little vacation of our own. Where are we going? Why to the trendliest place of all, Hollywood. Jealous? Don't worry, we'll say hi to Brad and Jen for you and soak up as much trendliness as we can find. Of course, you'll be the first ones we share it with when we get back in a week. TTFN.

Methods: Procrastination

2008-04-29T15:00:00.000-04:00

Hello savvy seekers of the latest trends. Have you been putting off your daily duty of checking our site to find out the latest fashionable fad? Well if you have then you're way ahead of the game, because the hottest method of doing just about anything these days is "Procrastination".
Procrastination or the act of putting things off until they absolutely have to be done, is sweeping the nation.

The procrastination craze has been nearly 5,000 years in the making. The original procrastinator was Greek Philosopher Procrastines who never came up with any sort of theory until about one minute before he knew he was going to die. As he stood waiting to be stoned to death he was asked by the soldier in charge of his execution how he'd like to respond to the charge of having contributed nothing useful in the way of philosophy to society...Procrastines responded..."I figured I'd just come up with something really good at the last minute and it would be better because it was off the cuff...or tunic (translated from Ancient Greek)" and with that he was mercilessly stoned to death.

An Inaccurate Rendering of The Stoning of Procrastines

Since Procrastines' death, tiny flashes of his philosophical influence have been popping up, though neverto officially recognize it as a trend. In the late 1930's and early 1940's the United States procrastinated in getting involved in World War II until Pearl Harbor was bombed and in 1986 Jimmy Chalmers of Deer Lick, Kentucky waited until the night before his Garden of Eden diorama was due to inform his mom that he needed a shoebox and some construction paper. Procrastination popped up yet again in 2003 when the Minnesota Vikings let the alotted 15 minutes expire before they made their first round draft pick. allowing both the Jacksonville Jaguars and Carolina Panthers to pick before them.

The most telling sign that procrastination has finally become trendly is that it took nearly 5,000 years after the first incident of procrastination for us to declare it trendly. It's trendliness is made even more apparent by the hasty manner in which we put this post together. As it was written a mere 5 minutes before the noon deadline we had set for ourselves to declare it trendly.

Social: Looking For Love

2008-04-28T15:07:00.000-04:00

Hey you hopeless trend-mantics. Are you looking for love in all the wrong places like the condom aisle in the Rite-Aid or the Lenny Kravitz region of your local music store? Have you fallen head over heels only to have the back of your skull hit the sidewalk and leave you with a nasty grade three concussion? Well, shake it off because at least you're looking...and looking for love is one of the latest trendly social undertakings worth participating in.

Matchmaker Extraordinaire

Way back in the 70's only high profile athletes and world champion chest hair growers could look for love on shows like "The Dating Game" and "Are We Making Whoopee Yet?" thanks to the greatest matchmaker there ever was, Wink Martindale. In the 1980's finding true love was way unimportant. Tina Turner was asking what love had to do with anything and the guys in Foreigner didn't even know what love was. Turns out everyone was too xenophobic to clue them in.

Wanted To Know What Love Was

Didn't Need Another Hero

Now that it's the 2000's...the art of falling in love has completely evolved, making it totally friendly and trendy. Even the most undeserving of average people who just happen to look good naked can look for love and find it almost instantaneously by using the platform of the personalized dating show. Using this method, the person seeking love invites thirty people into their house for two weeks and makes out with all of them unless they're fat...chosing to "do" only a select few. A camera crew films the proceedings to insure that all participants maintain their dignity and act with charm and grace. At the end of the honorable proceedings the winner of the love competition then does a shot of tequila and marries he or she whom was originally looking for love. They obviously live happily ever after and neither attempts to gain more fame, being completely satisfied with their new lover for the rest of their life. However, they do not completely opt out of the spotlight as the physical consummation of these TV bred relationships is usually a live televised event, often viewed by millions of viewers who are totally into watching married people getting it on.

Tila Tequila Was So Happy About Finding Her First
True Love That She's At It Again...You Go Girl!

For some reason, not all people choose the personalized dating show angle and opt for more private potential partner explorations. Two acceptable avenues for shut-ins who don't know how to communicate whilst clothed and might need a computer to tell them that they should meet in public are Eharmony.com and WereTheSameReligionLetsScrew.com. The latter is a site aimed at people who want to sit naked in the computer room and pray together without the complication of their own opinions getting in the way. Also, with Wink Martindale out of the picture, who better to help you find love than the lord (or Chuck Woolery)?

So whether you have a hankering for the spotlight...or like to type by the lamplight...rest assured there's always a trendly way to look for love...now get out there and find love so you can give it away. It's trendlier to give than receive...but if someone gives it to you first you have to reciprocate. Them's the rules.

Health: Cold Turkey

2008-04-25T01:35:00.000-04:00

Hey Habitual Trend Seekers...Are you trying to wean yourself off a totally unhealthy addiction to harmful welfare, crack, or a vegan lifestyle? Have you tried patches, pills, and everything just short getting arrested and subsequently raped in prison to calm that co-dependency? The problem with those methods is they create more co-dependency. One patch begets another patch and one prison rape begets more prison rape. You get the picture. These days doctors are recommending a new old method when it comes kicking the bottle, can, or bizarre sexual kink. The latest way to cut the cord with your sinful indulgence is by using what physicians and deli owners alike are referring to as cold turkey.

You Can't Go Cold Turkey With Tofurky

Prior to being used as a co-dependency cure-all, Cold Turkey was actually used to make a certain kind of Whiskey that went by the name "Wild Turkey". While Cold Turkey wasn't the active ingredient that made the whiskey drinkers go "wild", people back then were imbeciles and thought that the floating chunks of meat saturated in alcohol were the reason they felt good. When prohibition hit and the production and distribution of "Wild Turkey" was banned, many of these avid whiskey drinkers came up with the delerium tremens. To satisfy their need for a fix, many of them took to the local turkey coup or farmers markets where they butchered these flightless birds en masse, threw their meat on ice and went to town, eating every last shred of light and dark meat. While this didn't satisfy their fix...the former addicts became so tired due to all of the tryptophan they had ingested that some of them fell asleep for days, outlasting their bouts of the shakes and therefore shedding their alcohol dependency.

Now Available Without Turkey Chunks

However, when prohibition ended all of the former alcoholics went back on the sauce, wise to the fact that turkey bits did nothing to enhance their drunken state. Wild Turkey nearly went out of business and Jack Daniels flourished as a brand. Wild Turkey eventually adjusted by taking turkey bits out of their whiskey, and founded Butterball as a side business. Everyone pretty much forgot about the "Cold Turkey" incident until several years back when a pre-med student who just so happened to be a methadone addict was working on a report in a library came across an old newspaper headline in the New York Daily Sun, "Cold Turkey Quells Prohibition Fueled Alcoholic Rampage."

The next time that student felt the need to shoot up...he instead went to his deli counter and bought a pound of Boars Head Cajun Smoked Turkey with Cracked Pepper ordering that they be sliced "not too thin" and ingested several slices when he returned home. He fell immediately asleep and woke up still jonesing for methadone...but quelled yet another hankering with more cold turkey until he was full and had slept a good 38 hours, missing his vital mid-terms, but at least he wasn't doped up. The student then took his findings to his professor who then had him expelled for drug addiction and published the unnamed student's findings in a prominent medical journal sometime around 1998.

"Inventor" of Cold Turkey Method

While the Cold Turkey theory has been circulating around the medical community for nearly ten years now, it was only recently put into practice on VH1's hit TV show Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, who just so happens to be the Doctor/Professor who published the original report. The show remarkably resurrected the careers of one of the Baldwin Brothers that isn't as talented as Alec...and some guy who is apparently a very good ultimate fighter. If cold turkey is capable of rescuing those people's lives from their addictions, whose to say it couldn't prevent you from conquering your addiction to chocolate...or resurrecting your media based career. Wouldn't that be trendly?

Social: Talking About The Weather

2008-04-24T15:21:00.000-04:00

Hello you cunning linguists. Do you speak trendlinese? Well if you can understand what everyone's talking about you probably do? If you can't then you're obviously unaware that the latest trendly conversation topic jumping off the tip of people's tongues all over this great planet of ours is none other than the weather. That's right, every day in elevators, in office buildings across land, sea, air and space, people get together to awkwardly discuss things like temperature, clouds and how that tramp on the third floor looks like she's dressing for a night at the club rather than a day of the office.

There's no better way to pass those awkard 42 seconds between the lobby and the 126th floor than to prove just how little you're willing to intrude on your co-workers lives and simultaneously avoid discussion of your own sordid encounters than the diversionary tactic of mentioning something completely arbitrary that is utterly neutral and factually indisputable, such as weather. If you're lucky enough to work in a high tech office building where the elevator has a TV with news headlines and weather displayed on the bottom, you don't even have to force the issue and can even feel free to discuss the weather in other cities as displayed on said screen as well.

This Elevator Ride Could Be A Lot Trendlier

Talking about the weather doesn't have to be a one-sided affair based on factual statements though, there are ways to make talking about it seem like a two-way friendly discussion. All one has to do is simply mention how cold it is and that you wish it would be summer already...and voila, it's like you're at the water cooler discussing that tramp on the third floor again.

Billy Joel has Incredible Weather Savvy

So where are do all of these friendly trendy people get all of their conversational ammunition about barometric pressure? Well there are plenty of ways to learn about the weather so that you may "wow" your elevator mates. The easiest way aside from taking to the streets and interviewing people who are currently outside, is to listen to the Billy Joel song "Storm Front" off of his 1990 album Storm Front, which if played through to the end will alert the listener of "a low pressure system and a northeast breeze...a falling barometer and rising seas," as well as "cumulonibus and a posible gale" not to mention "a force nine blowing on the Beaufont scale." However if one is to listen past track six on the album, they'll end up hearing about a clown in Leningrad...which to most elevator-users is a completely undesirable topic for conversation along the lines of Darfur or the rapture. Another popular method for gaining weather knowledge is by employing a magic 8 ball and asking it if the weather is nice today. If Magic 8 Ball reads "ask again later" the hazy response should clue the user in that he or she will be faced with hazy or busy weather.

Nicolas Cage Talked About The Weather En Route to Gaining His Celebrity

However, the ultimate way to get your hands on whether the Weather is hot or cooler than cool is on the television. Weather forecasting is so trendly that it has it's own TV network just like other potentially trendly phenomenons like buying useless items (QVC) or dating skanks (MTV/VH1). People tune in from all over the world just to find out that a tornado might hit Oklahoma sometime in the next three hours or that it's always raining in London so that they never run out of constant conversational ammunition for their upcoming elevator trips. What's more is that people who can talk about weather constantly on TV end up being national celebrities...and if talking about the weather can make you a celebrity...what's not trendly about it?

Environmental: Going Green

2008-04-23T11:07:00.000-04:00

Hello again to all of our Eco-Trendly readers, we know we covered an environmental topic yesterday, but since it's Earth Week...we thought we'd keep the trend going (wink, wink). By the way, this blog is typed on 100% recycled binary code, because we here at Trendliest know that the hottest new environmental in-thing is going green. We are certainly proud to admit that we have been green since the day we started as evidenced by the background color for our site, but that's not all. We also always wear green shirts, and eat grass. We even had a salad for lunch today while listening to the hot environmentally trendly band Green Day.

Yes going green is probably the easiest most helpful thing you can do for the environment. How does it work? Well by only eating and manufacturing products that utilize the color green, any of the waste produced by said products will effectively be sorta green. It's estimated that if by the year 2014 everything we eat, drink or use is green that nearly one-third of the earth's landfills when viewed from a spy satellite from outer space will have a sort-of greenish hue.

What The Earth Should Look Like If We Effectively "Go Green"

So, you're probably asking, "How Do I Go Green?" Well if you're the Incredible Hulk or Irish you're off to a good start. St. Patrick effectively started the going green movement when he chased all of the snakes out of Ireland some time in the 16th Century and told everyone to drink green beer from now on. Each St. Patrick's day is practically an exercise in making the environment better. Why the city of Chicago is practically the most environmentally friendly place in the world for all of the times they've dyed their river green.

Chica-goes Green

However, if you're not Irish all you have to do is watch Al Gore's grammy winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth and whenever you find yourself wearing shorts on a sunny winter day make a remark about how it's due to "global warming" while attempting to give people in liberal neighborhoods guilt trips for not signing your Greenpeace petition. There, you've officially gone green...and you're officially trendly.

Environmental: Global Warming

2008-04-22T14:10:00.000-04:00

Hello citizens of the most trendly planet there is. Happy Earth Day. Is it hot in here or is it just us? Actually, we know why it's a little warm in here and it's not because we forgot to turn on the AC. The reason the entire globe is starting feel a bit like a sauna is none other than the latest environmental trend, Global Warming.

Anti-Global Warming Crusader and Racing Legend Al Unser, Jr.

Now there's been a lot of noise made by the likes of nearly everyone named Al (Gore, Unser Jr., Roker) saying that Global Warming is a bad thing, but in actuality it's more part of Mother Nature and God's plan than tofu and lead-based paint. You see, when God created the Earth about 25 years after he created and got bored with the still undiscovered Ice Planet Zektor-18 approximately 2,625 years ago...he made an unspoken, unwritten pact with mankind that when life on Earth started out, the people would have seasons so they would know what beauty and accomplishment could come from the hardship and terror of having to survive a long winter.

At the same time he silently declared that if man worked hard, progressed and became industrious enough to build large machines and create complex chemical compounds that could eat away at the thin layer of atmosphere called "Ozone" that separated humans from their divine benefactor in heaven, the lord would reward the human beings for their toil with a constant tropical climate. Every child would get a talking parrot and the polar ice caps would melt turning the majority of the earth into a great big pool for what he silently dubbed "swimmy time."

During "Swimmy Time" You'll Be Able To Swim With Dolphins

...and Bears

As the polar ice caps slowly begin to melt, we see that thanks to our hard work the lord's ultimate plan for turning the Earth into a tropical paradise is well underway. This is not a time to fear for our future and the future of our planet, but to embrace the friendly trend that is global warming and prepare for the ultimate in tropical relaxation. So get out of your hybrid car (ugh so last year) and get thee to a gym, because when Global Warming reaches it's final stage you better have a nice bod for all of that time you'll be spending in a bathing suit.

Communication: Chain Letters

2008-04-21T14:14:00.000-04:00

Hello fellow members of the psychic trends network. Are you feeling a little superstitious today? Maybe that's because you had a premonition that we'd be covering something that kind of has to do with your good and/or bad fortune. While there are several things beyond your control that determine your everyday fate such as horoscopes, mere coincidence and traffic and weather together...there is one friendly and trendy way to ensure that you always have good luck no matter what happens as long as you don't mind being more than slightly annoying...and that's the latest trend in communication, Chain letters.

The First "Chain" Letter, Track 5

Chain letters have been around since just after the release of Fleetwood Mac's 1977 album Rumours, when a Sacramento woman, after listening to the song "The Chain" for the 236th consecutive time was inspired to "never break the chain" her boyfriend had just broken, known as their relationship, by sending him 53 copies of the same letter stating "if you don't love me now, you will never love me again...and unless you send this letter to 15 more people, you'll have bad luck for the rest of your life." While her boyfriend didn't mail the letter to anyone or get back together with her, he did come back three weeks later to pick up his Fleetwood Mac album. She considered this a small victory and never sent another letter again.

However, at least 12 of her 53 letters did accidentally reach the wrong recipients and confused them to the point where they felt it necessary to mail copies out to as many people as possible for fear that they may face the ultimate curse of life long bad luck at the hands of the anonymous psycho witch with an obsession for letter writing campaigns and Stevie Nicks. It's this same letter that has been circulation for more than 30 years, though various adjustments have been made to bestow particular rewards on those who participate and incur certain penalties on those who do not. As for the aforementioned boyfriend...he's now living in Billings, Montana with his wife and four kids... and if living in Billings, Montana with a wife and four kids isn't validation that the hex of the chain letter works...then what pray tell is?

Brought Back Economy, Fleetwood Mac and Chain Letters

Since the 1970's The chain letter has fallen in and out of popularity, enjoying a resurgence around the time of Bill Clinton's 1992 Presidential Campaign thanks to the usage of "The Chain" as his campaign song. These days the chain letter is once again on the upswing due to Hillary Clinton's candidacy and her choice of Fleetwood Mac's slightly less inspiring "You Make Loving Fun" as her campaign song. Thanks to the miracle of email and social networking sites these kindly threats are much more easily delivered to a greater mass of people and adorned with pictures of kittens with just a click of a button, though some hard copies do circulate via the less than reliable postal service.

It's even become trendly to turn blog posts in to chain letters. In other words, if you read this post and email it to 20 people in the next 15 minutes the love of your life will contact you and give you a massage and 45 cents will be donated to a little boy in Nova Scotia who desperately needs a matching Dolce & Gabbana belt to go with his sweet sunglasses. If you don't email this blog post to 20 people...not only will you be accused of being totally untrendly...but you'll also be dead before the dawn.

Health: Medicinal Marijuana

2008-04-18T10:55:00.000-04:00

Hey fellow Trend Addicts, do you remember when we used to sing in the government yard in trend town? Neither do we, but when we finally came to we were listening to a Hot Tuna album and had orange Cool Ranch Doritos stains all over our fingers, not to mention the fact that our glaucoma was miraculously cured. We'd venture to say that it was all a result of our usage of the latest trendly health helper, medicinal marijuana.

Medicinal marijuana has been a smokin' hot subject ever since it came up in that episode of HBO's Entourage where Turtle tried to get laid and find a cure for cancer while something happened with Vince in a movie. However it wasn't always such a friendly and trendy topic. According to a conspiracy theory article that may have appeared in High Times Magazine in the past several years next to a centerfold of a fern, it was the U.S. government's discovery of the Mafia's covert supplying of Medicinal Marijuana to Cuba that was the sole reason behind both the Cuban Missile crisis and the eventual Kennedy Assassination. They didn't call it the "Grassy Knoll' for nothin'. Medicinal Marijuana was also indirectly responsible for the Ricky Martin leaving Menudo...but that's a way longer story.

In the nowadays medicinal marijuana has become quite the subject for debate. Doctors argue that it helps ease the pain of patients suffering from nerve damage and lack of desire for late night snackage, while those who oppose it think of it as a gateway to other legal medicinal cure- alls like medicinal cocaine, medicinal heroin, and medicinal Flomax. However,there's one point that advocates and opponents alike have chosen to agree on, and that's that medicinal marijuana makes watching the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz while listening to Pink Floyd's Division Bell album (start it on the 2nd MGM Lion Roar) totally "trippy"...which is most certainly trendly, but not as trendly as tasting colors...Man.

Travel: Blimps

2008-04-17T13:14:00.000-04:00

Hello you Trendly Travelers. Has it been some time you've flown the Trendly Skies? Are you turned off by the uncomfortable seating, whining children, Salisbury steak and crackers dinners, and the fact that you won't be able to see the Grand Canyon because you're seated on the left side of the aircraft? With all of those distractions, it's a wonder jet liners carrying foreign soccer teams don't go careening into mountain ranges more often. If you're looking for a newer, safer, more trendly way to sit atop Cloud 9, we here at The Trendliest recommend taking to the wild blue yonder with the latest craze in aerial trend-vel, Blimps!

Yes, Blimps have come a long way since their early years. They were originally invented by the jet liner industry for the sole purpose of creating Public Service Announcements (PSA's) aimed at warning the "eager to fly masses" on the inherent dangers of blimp travel. Most of these PSA's failed miserably when passengers would take off safely and arrive safely at their destination. Famous archeologists Henry Jones and Henry Jones Jr. even caused quite a stir when they used one of these blimp airships as a forum to handily dispose of a few Nazi henchman who came aboard without tickets, providing Blimps with more unneeded publicity.

Fortunately, all of the jet liner industries efforts to produce a successful PSA came to fruition when a blimp known locally as "The Hindenburg" came crashing down in a fiery heap over the cesspool known as Lakehurst, N.J., causing potential travelers to say, "No thanks" to balloon-centric transportation, while inspiring young white children in the UK to form bands like Led Zeppelin and Rod Stewart.

Thinks Blimps Are Sexy

Despite its sordid history of mostly successful runs...The Blimp industry has come back in a big way! Hundreds of blimps are now glamorously deployed everyday by television production companies to capture static images of crowded parking lots surrounding sporting arenas. Blimps take passengers to exotic and positively trendy locations all over the world such as, above Busch Stadium in St. Louis or high above Jacobs Field in Cleveland.

Oh The Places You'll Go!

Flying inside a blimp is like flying inside a large version of your living room in the sky, provided your living room doesn't sporadically burst into flames. It's your own personal space where you can wander around, sip champagne and watch the game while verbally abusing anyone within earshot. And while flying in the lap of luxury, instead of watching the game on TV, you can watch dots on the ground that look like they might be doing something related to a sport that you might want to watch even though half the time it's just soccer...And we all know what happens to soccer teams when they fly.

Perhaps the only downside to Blimp Travel is that not many companies offer Blimp rides to the public and therefore Blimpin' ain't easy. However it's this exclusivity that makes Blimp Travel well worth the price of admission. After all, anything this hard to come by must be positively trendly.

Religion: Thanking God

2008-04-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

Welcome worshipers to the Church of the Holy Trend-ity. Today we're going to show you the light so that you never wander astray from living a trendly life...Can I get an amen?!?! As you may well know, Jesus Christ sacrificed his life and all things trendy so that we, his children, might do the opposite: embrace trendy things, and not die on a giant, lower-cased T. Yes, by sacrificing his want for meat on Fridays, various sexual encounters and ultimately life...he gave us the power to indulge in the wrong, so that we might one day renounce all of the fun stuff in his name and spend eternity in heaven sitting next to him watching closed circuit tv of all of our living grandchildren. And for that we think you should be engaging in the Trendliest religious act there is....Thanking God.

Amen, brothers and sisters! Thanking God or just saying "Thanks God!" is essential to success in nearly every field save for Olympic Archery, provided you're not in a third world country. Perhaps that's why you can hear it echoing in the world's houses of worship, casinos, winning locker rooms, and walk-in closets. In order to effectively thank God, you must first bow your head, clasp your hands, free your mind of all things relating to the upcoming G.I. Joe movie, and thank the Lord! You may also address The Pope if he happens to be in the stadium of your local baseball team. Can I get a "Hallelujah"?

The Man Upstairs is Not A Fan

When an upcoming musician wins a Grammy award for "Best R&B Song in a Film or Ringtone" he or she always makes sure to thank "the big man upstairs" – which is of course, portly uber-producer to the stars: God! When a gas pipe explodes at the very street corner you stand at every day waiting for the bus after going the gym, killing 70 people and a bus full of terminally ill school children heading to the "Make-a-Wish" headquarters – you, breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for the flat screen television you're watching the tragedy unfold on, because you were feeling lazy and decided to skip the gym.

Yes, the most gratifying part of life it seems these days is getting the opportunity to thank God for everything. From the monumental – getting the perfect job, to the minor – avoiding a carjacking, thanking God comes into play in every situation. As the popular wartime slogan goes "If you're not in the car with God, you're probably sitting shotgun with some weird, eight-armed deity," and, frankly, thanking an octopus is not as trendy as one would think. So the next time you find yourself at a podium accepting an award for your hit song "Baby, I Want to Be All Up In Your Uhhh" featuring Li'l Benvolio or just finding the warp zone to the 8th level on Super Mario Bros., remember to thank God. It's the righteous and trendly thing to do.

An SB-EK Collaboration

Health: Pregmancy

2008-04-15T15:34:00.000-04:00

Hello my trendly menlies...isn't life beautiful? What's that you say? You don't know because you can't experience the miracle of giving birth. Well, that's a shame. For the longest time women were so selfish that they kept the right to give life all to themselves...popping out baby after baby with ease, leaving their men with little to do but to sweep the house, and learn how to breathe so that when their wives were giving birth they could blow in their faces and make funny sounds to add comic relief to the situation as infant upon infant came sliding out.

Famous Feminist Leader P. Diddy

Not only were women in control of the child rearing industry, but since acquiring the right to vote thanks to the efforts of Susan B. Anthony and P. Diddy's Vote or Die campaign, women have threatened to take over nearly all aspects of society. They've more or less trivialized men's place in society by taking over masculine roles like high school football kicker, sexy nurse and even corporate CEO. Luckily for men, in the past few years these domineering yet reasonable leaders have lessened their hold on society allowing for the installation of a glass ceiling, so that when women find their way to the executive floor, men in middle management still get the pleasure of looking up their skirts.

Despite women ceding some of their previous roles like home maker and sexy nurse over to men, it looked like those feminists would never allow men to participate in the one thing men really long to be apart of...the miracle of life. That is until now. Yes gentlemen, your prayers have been answered with the latest Health trend...Pregmancy.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

No, that's not a typo...The latest trend in childbirth is men putting one in the oven for nine months. Derived from the latin word pregnancy, which stems from the roots
preggers", meaning "to have a child within" and "nancy", meaning having "feminine qualities"...scientists simply replaced the n with an m because it was more aesthetically pleasing in terms of what they were now describing. Hence the term was born.

Inspired by the knowledge gained in documentary films such as Junior, 3 Men and A Baby and Cop and A Half as well as the episode of The Cosby Show when Cliff Huxtable gives birth to a hoagie, scientists have made it possible for men to experience the one thrill greater than watching your favorite speed skater compete in the olympics...birth.

Pudding and Pregmancy Pioneer Cosby

No longer do men have to go to the sperm bank and wait twenty or so years for an awkward knock at the door to experience the joy of having children. This is all made possible by simple procedure in which a man is born a woman and then decides that she identifies more with being a man. Said woMAN then has a sex change, but keeps her ovaries in tact. He is then impregnated by a stork, through hardcore stimulation or by the aforementioned sperm bank by a suitable donor who is both handsome and smart, but mostly in need of cash for sperm.

Pregmancy in Action...ON OPRAH!

However, it is most vital that before the baby is carried full term, said parents must appear on Oprah, so that they can be paraded around on national television like some beautiful freakshow showing how all is right with the world and how a film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger,which until now carried so little meaning paved the way for a social movement. If the latter does not occur, said family and baby is sure to languish in abject obscurity for what might end up being an entire lifetime filled with either hardship and/or happiness. At the end of the full term the man has the delight of squeezing a small being through their sex organ, known as the "mangina" not to be confused with popular european soft drink Orangina, and voila a baby is born, pioneering a new movement in child birth...and as we all know, being the first to do something is most decidedly trendly.

Trendliness in Action: Pranks- Jeff Ehrhardt

2008-04-14T10:00:00.000-04:00

Hello Trend Trackers, We here at the Trendliest admit sometimes the things that we consider downright trendly can seem so absolutely crazy that it might prompt readers to think we're just pulling their leg. Fortunately, every once in awhile our knack for sniffing out what's hot gets the affirmation it so deserves in the form of a news story.

This morning we were absolutely delighted to read about our latest social trend, Pranks, being put to good use by a top notch athlete at a prominent Kentucky University. This T.M.O.C. (Trendly Man on Campus) is none other than Murray State Quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt, who when in response to a dare from a teammate who offered him $20 (any amount of money is trendly) pushed a campus police officer and took his ticket book. While we previously didn't state "dares" as trendly, the campus athletic director's affirmation of the whole event being "a prank gone bad", validates our previous post.

As a result, The Trendliest salutes Murray State Quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt...and hopes that he can avoid the potential 10 year prison term that goes along with being charged with 2nd Degree Robbery so that he can continue being Trendly in other ways, like perhaps playing the Clarinet.

Social: Pranks

2008-04-11T15:17:00.000-04:00

Hello my band of trendly tricksters, are you having a laugh? No? Well that's too bad. Are you sad because your significant other was in a horrible train accident today and your apartment just burned down? What, nobody told you? We're just kidding. That's what we here at The Trendliest call a prank...and it's the hottest new way to get a hearty har-har out of friends and family, but mostly out of yourself.

Pulling a prank is easy. There are only a few simple steps. First, think of a friend, enemy, frenemy, or group you want to make feel bad. Second, think of something to do that would absolutely eliminate that person or group's dignity and/or crush their soul. Third, enact a plan including either bombs, children, or other celebrities (sometimes all three) to temporarily crush their soul and/or erase their dignity. Next, watch said person or group lose their dignity while reacting to this potentially horrific occurrence by bursting into tears or reacting in a manic nature. Finally, announce to your friend, enemy, frenemy or group that they've been "punk'd" or that the event that has crushed their soul indeed never occurred or that at least part of what you said wasn't true, thus sending a great sense of relief to said prankee, though never fully restoring their dignity. There, you've pranked someone. Wasn't it fun and or trendy?

Carson Palmer: Leader of Trojans, Destroyer of Spartans

While Pranking is currently trendly, some times it can go horribly awry. One of the first pranks was held way back in the time of the Trojan War (otherwise known as the 2002 GMAC Humanitarian Bowl) when the USC Trojans led by then Quarterback Carson Palmer entered the Spartan arena by occupying a wooden horse that was then left outside the Michigan State University stadium, which their opponents then mistook as a gift and brought it onto the field of battle. However, once inside the East Lansing stadium, Palmer and company ritualistically slaughtered their opponents with a precision passing attack, clock eating run game, and harrowing defense by a score of 48-3, thus winning the Trojan War...and leaving plenty of blood, pain, and humiliation in their wake.

Those Poor, Unfortunate Michiganders

Ashton Kutcher: Trendliest Hero

Indeed, while most pranks end in horrible tragedy due to the fact that they never reach that aforementioned "final step", as evidenced by the efforts of extremist religious groups like Al Qaeda and shows like "Candid Camera", one man has mastered the art of stripping people of their dignity and then giving it back to them in small pieces so that over time they may one day hope to be a shell of their former selves. That man is Ashton Kutcher. His hit show "Punk'd" shows famous people crying because their fancy cars have been smashed even though they haven't and it makes us all laugh, which is the original point of pulling the prank in the first place...and what's more trendly than coming full circle.

Music: Supporting Your Favorite Band Past Their Artistic Peak

2008-04-10T15:17:00.000-04:00

Hey Trendliophiles, What's that you're listening to? Perhaps the latest from Terence Trend D'arby? Oh, It's Radiohead...and they're still as good as they ever were? What's that you say, the greatest band in the world? Wow, that's a big statement, but of course they are. It would be downright untrendly of you not to say so. In fact, supporting your favorite band past their artistic peak no matter how little you presently identify with their current output is so in, as is berating people who disagree with the intangible proof of your viewpoint despite the fact that music appreciation is totally subjective. After all, what's more friendly and trendy than informing people of what they should think is cool according to your tastes.

That reminds us, have you heard the new Wilson Phillips record? It's totally going to win a Grammy. They've really grown up on this one and I think they used the same producer that worked on Jesus Jones' second album, so it really takes them into a whole new place sonically.

That being said, we here at the Trendliest have a few albums that we're totally looking forward to whenever they should happen to come out. The first one on our must have list is Chinese Democracy from the hop hot duo of Axl Rose and KFC-face. If this album is any bit as good as their previous homophobic, misogynistic efforts you can count us in for two copies. We have a feeling that throngs of people already agree, this is the greatest album ever to maybe be in existence.
Our next pick of the musical litter is the latest from Hootie & The Blowfish. We're not sure when their next album comes out or what it'll be called, but ever since these soft rockers encouraged us to "Let Her Cry" we've been holding back streaming saltwater from our tear ducts in anticipation of the next time an opportunity presents itself for them to extract an equal amount of water weight from us via the magic of music.

Yes, we here at the Trendliest are quite on top of the supporting bands past their artistic peak trend. We've seen the Rolling Stones play 16 times since 1998 and had gold circle seating every time! Speaking of which, did anyone get tickets to see Radiohead at All Points West? Word is they might play "Creep".

Methods: Research

2008-04-09T14:40:00.000-04:00

Hello my trendly little pupils. I hope you have your paper and pencils ready to take some notes because Trendology 101 is now in session. For today's lesson in Trendliness we explore the hottest method for learning known as "Research". As we all know, learning is important and research is not only the best way to learn things, but it's used by nearly everyone, from Scientists who employ it to try to prove that God doesn't exist to Producers on "The Jerry Springer Show", who use it as a way to figure out what psychological buttons to push that will make two white-trash transvestite hermaphrodites so angry that they'll punch each other in the face relentlessly on national television. If research is used on television how can it not be trendly?

"God who?"

The main aspects of research include reading about things, watching things and doing things related to that of which you may or may not already know, just in case you find yourself faced with the opportunity to appear on Jeopardy. For example if one wanted to research "martial arts" one might feel inclined to watch the Jeff Speakman movie or perhaps go to a dojo and punch someone in the face. The result would more than likely involve "Martial Arts, providing a wonderful opportunity for "hands on research".

The term "research" itself originated with famed explorer Marco Polo, who in the 13th Century was sent to China by The Pope to look for spices. When Polo returned to present his holiness with the vast array of flavors he had found in the Orient, the Pope ordered him to go back and get more. Ironically, Polo had a horrible sense of direction and had made no markings on the map as to the places he had been. He told the Pope he would have to "re-search" for the spices and thus a new method of learning was born as was Mrs. Dash; the salt substitute was a direct result of Marco's 2nd spice run. However, the fact of the matter is, after it's invention research was very scarcely used. People preferred the use of the educated guess or "Hypothesis", named after Greek mathematician Hypotenous for whom the longest side in a right triangle is also named. (Note: Getting things named after you makes them infinitely trendlier)

An Historic Moment In Research History

One of the first pioneers of researching was fairy tale "it" girl Goldilocks, who helped bring researching to the public eye when she found that some porridges and beds were too hot or too cold, but others were just right. Thanks to the efforts of this brazen blond researcher who effectively held the first focus group (a research method still used today by all the hottest marketing companies), the human race became acutely aware that partaking in anything that was "just right" ultimately pissed off bears. To this day, humans live in a slightly uncomfortable state to maintain a suitable equilibrium with the master bear race, because not getting mauled by Grizzlies is most certainly friendly and trendy.

Just as Goldilocks' research led the human race to cope with things that may be a little too toasty or chilly, we here at The Trendliest use Marco Polo's invention nearly every day to learn the latest on that which is not lame so we can pass it to you, our beloved readers. You know if we're addicted to research, it must be trendly.

Thanks to Stephy P and Andrew M.

Leisure: Wave Pools

2008-04-08T15:00:00.000-04:00

Hey trend surfers, it's your friendly neighborhood trend-vel agent here to tell you about some of the hottest spots to get your leisure on this summer. A few years ago all of the richies were heading to tony locations like the French Riviera and Rockaway Beach to get their fix of that fishy sea smell, cool ocean breeze, and to reap the benefits of the epidermal enhancements that come with getting crapped on by a seagull. However, with the economy in a slight temporary downturn, celebrities like P. Diddy and Fred Schneider of the B-52's have ditched those pricey locales in favor of the less lavish but ultimately more rewarding experience offered at water parks. So why is everybody rushing off to their local wild water wet spots instead of hitting the sandy seashores? Two trendly words....Wave Pools.

Originally invented to bring the magic of the high seas and the joy of almost drowning to land locked areas like Nebraska and Hawaii, as well as to teach potential Cuban refugees how to survive the short trip to Miami; wave pools are an effective way to simulate your day at the beach without worrying about getting sand in your crack or falling victim to a vicious dolphin attack. Swim enthusiasts don't even have to worry about easing into chilly water beyond their precious privates, because these faux-ceans (that's fake oceans) are heated; if not by a big fancy pool heater, by the constant stream of urine being emptied into the water by scores of unconcerned children and incontinent adults. Wave warriors can even take their long boards out and hang ten in the pool pipeline, provided they're skilled at evading toddlers. The best part is, there's no need to check the daily surf report because, get this, the waves are adjustable! So whether you're just a beginner in the blue crush or you're ready to tackle a tsunami, the wave pool is the trendliest place to get wet this summer.

Social: Knowing What Everyone Is Doing All The Time

2008-04-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

Hello my Trendlies, Are you doing something friendly and trendy right now? Well how about now? Even if it isn't trendly, you should probably tell us what it is you're up to. Why? Because knowing what everyone else is doing all of the time is unbelievably trendly. As you're reading this I'm doing perhaps the trendliest thing of all, blogging. While blogging may be a hot new way to show a nation on the edge of it's seat important photos of your cat, it can no way inform people as to your regular whereabouts and goings on. The fact of the matter is everyone wants to know what you're up to whether you're in a bathtub getting ready to pop out junior with your midwife, poisoning the water supply in Myanmar or just plain hangin' out. To put it briefly, you're not cool unless somebody knows you're cool. Thanks to technological advances like super computers, cell phones and the Swiffer Sweeper, keeping eager stalkers constantly apprised of your goings on has never been easier.

Way back in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue he forgot to tell his roommates he was even leaving the house and they were totally pissed when he ditched out without getting someone to sublet. It was four months before they knew he was gone and another two months before they were beheaded in a public square for not paying the full rent. If they could've checked his Facebox profile they would've seen the phrase "Christopher Columbus is out sailing for a few months" on his status update and put an ad up on Craigslist or on the town square bulletin board and avoided their subsequent guillotine rendezvous. Thanks to sites like Twitter and Tellmewhatyouredoingallofthetime.com this is so not a problem. These sites allow users to constantly give people the lowdown on what they're up to by typing in they’re daily minutia into a browser so that you never have to exercise those pesky amenities known as their voice or their privacy ever again.

The trendliest people, a.k.a Celebrities, even have their own uber-exclusive telling everyone what they're doing all the time service called TMZ.com. TMZ.com uses a complex system of stalkers with video and photo equipment aimed at the crotches of female celebrities to let the rest of the world know that celebrities never have underwear, always have genitalia, and sometimes go to the supermarket. Now that’s what we call trendly!

Music: Clarinets

2008-04-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

Hey Trend Stars, Do you like to rock out with your cochlea held firmly in place within your inner ear? Your friendly guides to the trend universe here at The Trendliest certainly do. However, we don't like to rock out to the sound industrial noise or crying children, we prefer to"get the led out" with a healthy dose of music. For our ears there's no sound trendlier than the sweet song emitted by, you guessed it, the Clarinet. Formerly referred to as the "Licorice Stick" due to the fact that it was it was invented by Charles Q. Licorice who used it as the first prototype for flavored edible wood, the original product manufactured unsuccessfully by the Twizzler corporation, this single-reeded sparkplug has been a pivotal element to all of the hottest tunes rising up the Billboard 100 charts. Artists as diverse as 50 Cent and and The Game are busting the rhymes with backing beats adorned with squeaky but sultry clarinet loops. Even Saxophone superstar Kenny G recently retired his tenor tool to get all handsy with the trendy friendly tunemaker.

So why all the fuss over this influential instrument. Well, we'd like to think it has something to do with the release of mega-successful music-oriented video games like "Woodwind Hero", "Marching Band" and "Jazz Band". The extreme difficulty of the latter has led kids to put down their virtual versions and actually get acquainted with the real thing. Young males seem hop to the fact that chicks dig musicians and as a result have begun taking up the Clarinet in droves. It's a good thing their school music programs are so well funded. They're practically teaching their kids music and sex ed at the same time, which is certainly a trendly way to deal with school budget issues.
It's not just kids who are involved, celebrities are also creating a Clarinet cacophony. Word on the street is uber-trendly Hollywood director Woody Allen met his wife-daughter after a pedophilia fueled performance by his Clarinet quintet. Perhaps she was a fan of his earlier films like Manhattan and Zelig, but we prefer to think it was the way he wielded that Licorice Stick. There's something irresistibly trendy and friendly about someone who knows their way around a Clarinet.

Health: Doctors

2008-04-02T13:35:00.000-04:00

Hey there trend trackers. Do you have Trend Fever? Well, maybe you should consider checking out or checking up on our latest trendly health helper...doctors! As far back as March of 2008, the only way one could hope to cure seemingly harmless ailments like influenza, herpes or complications from diabetes was through the miracle of prayer. Unfortunately for most human beings, God decided to stop answering their prayers some time between the first genocide and the aforementioned date. Occasionally and quite luckily for a few human beings, Saint Peter would sometimes perform at the level of a second string goalie and allow a few errant prayers to slip through his five-hole known as the pearly gates, leaving his holiness to deal with a semi-constant barrage of heavenly errands. It was because of St. Peter's inability to deflect these prayer pucks that his/her holiness made a landmark decision, rather than cope with this onslaught of hopes and wishes from his loyal subjects, the Lord decided he/she would delegate some responsibility...and on that day god created "doctors."

God gave these "doctors" the means to deal with aches, pains, disease and sickness, and to make up for their lack of divinity he endowed them with what is known as a "God Complex", which was beautifully illustrated by Alec Baldwin's character in the film Malice. Unfortunately, for the human race, becoming a doctor requires nearly 34 years of education and therefore there are currently no official doctors. The first doctor is set to become eligible to help the public after the Spring semester at Johns Hopkins lets out sometime in May 2019. Until that day, people can see just what these "doctors" may be capable of doing by watching trendy Science Fiction programs such as "E.R.", "Dr. Who", "Grey's Anatomy", and of course the previously noted film, Malice. Who knows? Maybe by watching some fake doctors, you'll get some real friendly health tips. How trendly!

Sports: Doubles Luge

2008-04-01T13:24:00.000-04:00

Hey Trend Fans, Welcome to the Wide World of Trendliness. You might as well call me your Trendly neighborhood Trendcaster, Howard Trendsell...or not... Either way, I'm still going tell you about what is currently all the rage. So far we've given you the low down on everything from beverages to ways to get that total slut best friend of yours to tell you how far she went on her date last night, even if she might not be so keen on sharing the news. Well, today at the
Trendliest we are not going to pull a total 180 degree turn so much as we're going to do a triple salchow to land us in the realm of Sport.

Yes indeed, sports are certainly a friendly trend to all beings. They're not just for straight men who like knocking each other around on and off of the fields of play as well as in the locker room. Sports are for everyone. One sport in particular that has caught our eye aside from curling (we love to sweep) is the doubles luge. Not only is doubles luge trendy because of its sleek and stylish form fitting suits and the speed at which the sled travels, but also because it's a socially acceptable alternative to gay marriage.

While the Catholic Church may not approve of two people of the same sex laying together in sin, they can usually say nothing but, "go team" when it comes to two people of the same sex...their bodies intertwined with bulging genitalia pressed against one another, sliding down a curved mountain track at thrilling speeds as the participants experience an overly exhilarating rush unlike anything else in the world. Doubles Luge...it involves all the trendy aspects of a homosexual relationship and it's Catholic Church friendly. Plus, in no state in the Union is it illegal to form a doubles luge team. You can't get more trendly than that! Luge away!

Political: War

2008-04-01T10:37:00.000-04:00

Hey there Trendinistas, it’s your favorite oral surgeon Dr. Trendberg here to give you 10cc’s of TrendicilTM STAT! We here at The Trendliest feel it’s our God-given duty to inform you, Joe and Janette Public, of what’s hot, happening and hottt. Today we’re featuring what’s sure to be the hot topic (Editor’s Note: Not to be confused with Hot Topic) at your local office’s water cooler: WAR!

Yes, that’s right. It seems like you can’t go anywhere these days without bumping into a war of sorts. On the subway car, a rider accidentally jostles another passenger and before you know it someone is shouting, “Please, for the love of God, put down the surface-to-air missile!” Meanwhile, in the town library, an ill-tempered youth tests a nuclear warhead in the Young Adult section.

Yes, war is most definitely trendly. Since its humble beginnings in the early-to-mid 1400s war has been the most effective communication tool ever to be developed by high-functioning organisms. Though wars have been downplayed and received little to no media attention in recent times, our great barbaric pastime is seeing a bountiful resurgence with today’s trend-setting youth. Thanks to the Internet chat rooms, history textbooks and to a lesser extent, the water cooler; war stories and stories of war are being delivered by old timers to a hungry audience yearning for the days of yore. So, the next time you’re walking down a crowded street and you bump another person, don’t say “sorry” like a hippie (hippies are so 80's) - respond with your fists in the air at the ready for some serious pummeling...provided of course, you have the support of Congress, the trendliest government body of them all.

Written by: Suli
Edited poorly by: Evan Kessler

Food: Pudding

2008-04-01T02:59:00.000-04:00

Mirror Mirror on the wall, how's the trendiest trend followers of them all? I hope you're a hungry bunch today, because your friendly trendy tastemaker has a positively delicious and downright trendly snack ready for you to eat up--pudding!

Our newest trendly eat hasn't always been so friendly. Back in the early 1600's Dutch fur traders used pudding to lure unsuspecting Native Americans into bear traps so that they might steal their bison pelts. For the longest time the tasty, yet deadly treat had a negative stigma attached to it as it was largely responsible for the disappearance of much of the Native American population. The last recorded pudding-related Native-American bear trap death was recorded in 1989 and ever since then the consumption of pudding has been steadily rising.

The biggest boon to the pudding popularity occurred when uber-huge comedian Bill Cosby uttered the words "There's always room for Jell-o pudding" whilst toting around a pudding pop for the entirety of his recent cinematic triumph, Leonard Part 6. Since that film, pudding has been in high demand. Everyone from hospital patients to the angels hovering around hospitals waiting for patients to die enjoys some pudding every now and again. Perhaps that's because it's available in such a variety of flavors, from rice, to chocolate, chocolate vanilla swirl and even blood. It's nearly impossible to not find a pudding flavor you like. You know what they say, variety is the spice of life...and it's also downright trendly. Three cheers for pudding! (Note: cheering aloud, not trendly).

Methods: Waterboarding

2008-03-21T18:41:00.000-04:00

Hey Trend fans, it's your favorite friendly neighborhood trendsetter, back again to tell you everything you've been dying to know about what's so now. If you've been watching the news lately, you'll know that one of the hot button topics is waterboarding. Never mind what waterboarding is, all you have to know is that it's a hot button topic and what are hot button topics if not a mixture of friendly and trendy. The other important things you need to know about waterboarding are that it's a great way to find out secrets and the government says it doesn't qualify as torture.

Ladies is your best friend holding out on how that date last night went? Are you sure she went all the way but she's refusing to kiss and tell? That slut! Sure you've got your connections and could always ask around or look for that diary you know she keeps, but why not go straight to the horses mouth and get answers by using a method condoned by the U.S. Government! After your friend gives up the goods, that time you waterboarded her is sure to be a hot button topic between the two of you, and as we discussed before, hot button topics are trendly!

Beverages: Tea

2008-03-21T18:03:00.000-04:00

Hey there trend following superstars, it's your friendly trendy neighborhood Trendinista, here to tell you what's hip and maybe even what's hop. First of all, it's hip to substitute the word "hop" whenever you want to say "hip". That's lesson one, but for lesson two we drop the P and replace it with a T to talk about something that's literally and figuratively "hot." I'm not talking about hell or your stove, or even the third season of Melrose Place. I'm talking about a wonderful beverage called Tea.

Drinking Tea has been "in" long before Ellen Degeneres was "out". Rumor has it, it was developed by Chinese Asians sometime before Jesus. It's been around almost as long as that other trendly drink, water. However, Tea doubles it's trendliness with the simple fact that you need water to make it. How convenient!

Tea has taken a bit of a hit since the 80's due to a conspiracy between Juan Valdez and Starbucks, who were responsible for that horribly addictive coffee beverage that makes your tummy hurt and keeps you up all night. While we don't know who would want that over a deliciously soothing beverage with infinite flavors, we'd like to thank the Queen of England and Moby for bringing this hop hot beverage back with a vengeance.

p.s. For a special treat, try putting ice in your Tea!

Language: Abbrevs

2007-11-21T00:28:00.000-05:00

With all the craziness that's going on in the world, who has time to write complete sentences? Why writing that last thought took up a whole 14 seconds of my precious time. Even complete phrases are so LY or 5ma depending on who you ST. Thankz to AOLIM and txt msging everyone's getting the hang of speaking in abbrevs. Even ur mom is using the abbrevs. That's why we here at the trndlst are throwing our support behind this most useful of trends. Besides, if you find yourself still speaking in complete sentences in 5 years, you're going to be a TL, that's total loser to us trendy folks.

If reading this post took too long here's the abbrev'd 120 letter version.

WATCTGOITW, WHTTWCS? WWTLTTUAW14SOMPT. ECPASLYO5MADOWYST. TTAOLIMNTM, EGTHOSIA. EURMIUTA. TWWHATTATTOSBTMUOT. B, IYFYSSICSI5Y, YGTBATL, TTLTUTF.

Beverages: Smart Water

2007-09-25T14:31:00.000-04:00

Hey Trendinistas, remember when being dumb was cool? Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were getting their retardation on all over the television. Dumb and Dumberer was the #3 Grossing movie in the world and everyone was asking "Who Let The Dogs Out?" instead of realizing it was their own fault for bringing the dog to the dog run and leaving the gate open in the first place.

Well times have changed and being smart is in again, with shows like "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" and "Wife Swap" really challenging viewers. Glaceau, the makers of Vitamin Water, have upped the ante realizing that people are too smart to pay $3 for a gimmicky bunch of colored water with vitamins in it. Smart people are into being healthy and feeling smart. They don't need the appeal of added flavor to draw them in, plus what's healthier than the tasteless wonder that is water. I mean, hello, ZERO CALORIES! So what better way to capitalize on the trend of people being smart and liking water than with Smartwater.

The folks at Glaceau got the best water around by flying up to the clouds and bottling the vapor to bring you "purity you can taste" and "hydration you can feel". This water has ions and electrolytes, words that we here at The Trendliest certainly consider to be "Trendly" (That's friendly and trendy) to you the consumer. So we here at "The Trendliest" recommend that if you fancy being smart, healthy and trendy, go down to your local store and buy as much SmartWater as you can. You'll be much better off for it, but don't take my word for it...take Jennifer Aniston's. She's featured on their Billboard in the trendliest place of all...Times Square.

Cost $1.75/bottle on the avg.

Grooming: Remington MB-400 Titanium Precision Pro Rechargeable Vacuum Mustache & Beard Trimmer

2007-09-19T17:44:00.000-04:00

Everybody knows beards are trendy. Why are beards so obviously trendy? Well, I have a beard and I'm a trend setter so they must be in vogue. That being said, if you want to maintain your fashionable facial hair, you're going to need the hottest beard trimmer there is. We here at "The Trendliest" recommend using the Remington MB-400 Titanium Precision Pro Rechargeable Vacuum Mustache & Beard Trimmer .

While it's name might be a little on the long side that doesn't mean your fuzz has to be. The Titanium boasts 9 preset lengths to make sure your goatee is good to go and that your five o'clock shadow doesn't resemble midnight muttonchops. Our "Trendly" recommendation, stick to the 3 or 4 preset. Anything less and you'll look like Mickey Rourke; anything more and you may run the risk of looking like former WWF Superstar Hillbilly Jim or one of the guys from ZZ Top whose last name isn't Beard. The Titanium beard trimmer also has a neat vacuum feature that sucks up the hair you just shaved and sometimes flings it around the proximity of your sink...assuming you're standing over your sink, making for easy disposal as you wash away your former bristles down the drain. That's convenient and downright Trendly!

You can purchase this ideal beard buzzer at Amazon.com for a low price of $24.99. Just tell them "The Trendliest" sent ya...though they'll probably have no idea what you're talking about.

Audio: 3rd Generation iPod

2007-09-18T19:15:00.000-04:00

Hey There,

Evan Kessler, your friendly neighborhood trend spotter, here to tell you what's trendy now! Everyone knows retro is really hot. Most people are positively smitten with the 70's, ecstatic about the 80's, and totally nuts about the 90's. However, here at "The Trendliest" we're positively bonkers for the 00's. In a world where we reminisce about last week, what's wrong with being nostalgic for a product that came out in 2003? Answer, absolutely nothing! That's why we're singing the praises of our 3rd generation iPod.

Apple's 3rd Generation iPod...or as I like to call it Old Trendy Reliable

Way back in '03 you couldn't fling a discman without hitting someone toting around one of these ancient devices and bouncing to Beyonce while ignoring oncoming pedestrian traffic. They weren't watching a movie because these babies didn't have that capability yet. How quaint. They did however have a shuffle feature, a backlight and great games like Brick, Music quiz, Solitaire, and Parachute that made a revolutionary game like Pong seem like Asteroids, but with a soundtrack of R.E.M's "Radio Free Europe" or whatever you might be listening to at the time in the background.

The problem with today's iPods is that they've got so much you can do. You can watch a movie, play a game, browse photos or listen to your favorite album. With all of those options it's a wonder that users of the current iPod incarnation even have time to think. Maybe if I had one of my own I might think differently but the latest iPod Classic doesn't jibe with my Mac OSX Version 10.3.9, alienating this user. That's fine by me though because simple comforts are back in style and I'll take my 5,000 songs over 40,000 songs any day.

If you're looking to pick up one of these trendy retreads, just ask the guy or girl you know that you remember having one of these back in '03. If they still have it, odds are they'll sell it to you for $50 bucks at the most...and maybe it will be loaded with sweet tunes.