Leisure: Vacation

Hello my hard working trend-ployees. Is the daily grind stressing you out? All of those hours you put in playing solitaire on your computer, standing around waiting for fly balls, or tailing Britney Spears as she drives from the gynecologist to Wendy's to get a good snapshot can really take it's toll on your sanity. You need a trendly fix to bring that blood pressure from a boil to a simmer and turn that frown upside down. Luckily, you've come to the right place because we're giving you two all expense paid tickets to the latest friendly trend in leisure, going on vacation. All aboard the train to Trendly Island.

Vacationing itself has a long and treasured history. The concept was first outlined in 1983 by the Griswold Family of Illinois as a way for families to potentially kill off an unlikable elderly relative and her annoying dog while spending lengthy amounts of quality time in a cramped space while traversing the roads United States of America . Vacations soon became rites of passage for younger children as it allowed them to discover the danger of marijuana and the thrill of participating in the armed takeover of amusement parks. It even afforded family patriarchs the opportunity to go skinny dipping with attractive blonde models who drove Ferraris...and believe us that was one of the trendlier sticking points that had many families taking to our nation's highways.

Clark W. Griswold: Vacation Visionary

In 1985, The Griswold Family upped the ante, allowing the folks at documentary film company, National Lampoon, to follow them on their revolutionary trip to the European continent. Before this time, Americans only ever traveled to Europe on business.

Señor Frog's: Home of The Triple Kiss

While the Griswolds may have blazed trails for a new kind of travel, vacationing has evolved quite a bit since their heyday, allowing for plenty more options than just U.S. road trips and European jaunts. Travelers are now flooded with more choices than they can shake a stick at. Some of the most trendly vacation packages allow travelers the opportunity to romance a ladyboy in Bangkok, triple kiss with twenty something's at Senor Frogs in Cancun while someone wearing a Girls Gone Wild hat films them, and even lose their life-savings at a $15 dollar black jack table game in Atlantic City.

There's plenty more vacay alternatives where that came from...and to prove it we here at The Trendliest are taking a little vacation of our own. Where are we going? Why to the trendliest place of all, Hollywood. Jealous? Don't worry, we'll say hi to Brad and Jen for you and soak up as much trendliness as we can find. Of course, you'll be the first ones we share it with when we get back in a week. TTFN.

Methods: Procrastination

Hello savvy seekers of the latest trends. Have you been putting off your daily duty of checking our site to find out the latest fashionable fad? Well if you have then you're way ahead of the game, because the hottest method of doing just about anything these days is "Procrastination".
Procrastination or the act of putting things off until they absolutely have to be done, is sweeping the nation.

The procrastination craze has been nearly 5,000 years in the making. The original procrastinator was Greek Philosopher Procrastines who never came up with any sort of theory until about one minute before he knew he was going to die. As he stood waiting to be stoned to death he was asked by the soldier in charge of his execution how he'd like to respond to the charge of having contributed nothing useful in the way of philosophy to society...Procrastines responded..."I figured I'd just come up with something really good at the last minute and it would be better because it was off the cuff...or tunic (translated from Ancient Greek)" and with that he was mercilessly stoned to death.

An Inaccurate Rendering of The Stoning of Procrastines

Since Procrastines' death, tiny flashes of his philosophical influence have been popping up, though neverto officially recognize it as a trend. In the late 1930's and early 1940's the United States procrastinated in getting involved in World War II until Pearl Harbor was bombed and in 1986 Jimmy Chalmers of Deer Lick, Kentucky waited until the night before his Garden of Eden diorama was due to inform his mom that he needed a shoebox and some construction paper. Procrastination popped up yet again in 2003 when the Minnesota Vikings let the alotted 15 minutes expire before they made their first round draft pick. allowing both the Jacksonville Jaguars and Carolina Panthers to pick before them.

The most telling sign that procrastination has finally become trendly is that it took nearly 5,000 years after the first incident of procrastination for us to declare it trendly. It's trendliness is made even more apparent by the hasty manner in which we put this post together. As it was written a mere 5 minutes before the noon deadline we had set for ourselves to declare it trendly.

Social: Looking For Love

Hey you hopeless trend-mantics. Are you looking for love in all the wrong places like the condom aisle in the Rite-Aid or the Lenny Kravitz region of your local music store? Have you fallen head over heels only to have the back of your skull hit the sidewalk and leave you with a nasty grade three concussion? Well, shake it off because at least you're looking...and looking for love is one of the latest trendly social undertakings worth participating in.

Matchmaker Extraordinaire

Way back in the 70's only high profile athletes and world champion chest hair growers could look for love on shows like "The Dating Game" and "Are We Making Whoopee Yet?" thanks to the greatest matchmaker there ever was, Wink Martindale. In the 1980's finding true love was way unimportant. Tina Turner was asking what love had to do with anything and the guys in Foreigner didn't even know what love was. Turns out everyone was too xenophobic to clue them in.

Wanted To Know What Love Was

Didn't Need Another Hero

Now that it's the 2000's...the art of falling in love has completely evolved, making it totally friendly and trendy. Even the most undeserving of average people who just happen to look good naked can look for love and find it almost instantaneously by using the platform of the personalized dating show. Using this method, the person seeking love invites thirty people into their house for two weeks and makes out with all of them unless they're fat...chosing to "do" only a select few. A camera crew films the proceedings to insure that all participants maintain their dignity and act with charm and grace. At the end of the honorable proceedings the winner of the love competition then does a shot of tequila and marries he or she whom was originally looking for love. They obviously live happily ever after and neither attempts to gain more fame, being completely satisfied with their new lover for the rest of their life. However, they do not completely opt out of the spotlight as the physical consummation of these TV bred relationships is usually a live televised event, often viewed by millions of viewers who are totally into watching married people getting it on.

Tila Tequila Was So Happy About Finding Her First
True Love That She's At It Again...You Go Girl!

For some reason, not all people choose the personalized dating show angle and opt for more private potential partner explorations. Two acceptable avenues for shut-ins who don't know how to communicate whilst clothed and might need a computer to tell them that they should meet in public are Eharmony.com and WereTheSameReligionLetsScrew.com. The latter is a site aimed at people who want to sit naked in the computer room and pray together without the complication of their own opinions getting in the way. Also, with Wink Martindale out of the picture, who better to help you find love than the lord (or Chuck Woolery)?

So whether you have a hankering for the spotlight...or like to type by the lamplight...rest assured there's always a trendly way to look for love...now get out there and find love so you can give it away. It's trendlier to give than receive...but if someone gives it to you first you have to reciprocate. Them's the rules.

Health: Cold Turkey

Hey Habitual Trend Seekers...Are you trying to wean yourself off a totally unhealthy addiction to harmful welfare, crack, or a vegan lifestyle? Have you tried patches, pills, and everything just short getting arrested and subsequently raped in prison to calm that co-dependency? The problem with those methods is they create more co-dependency. One patch begets another patch and one prison rape begets more prison rape. You get the picture. These days doctors are recommending a new old method when it comes kicking the bottle, can, or bizarre sexual kink. The latest way to cut the cord with your sinful indulgence is by using what physicians and deli owners alike are referring to as cold turkey.

You Can't Go Cold Turkey With Tofurky

Prior to being used as a co-dependency cure-all, Cold Turkey was actually used to make a certain kind of Whiskey that went by the name "Wild Turkey". While Cold Turkey wasn't the active ingredient that made the whiskey drinkers go "wild", people back then were imbeciles and thought that the floating chunks of meat saturated in alcohol were the reason they felt good. When prohibition hit and the production and distribution of "Wild Turkey" was banned, many of these avid whiskey drinkers came up with the delerium tremens. To satisfy their need for a fix, many of them took to the local turkey coup or farmers markets where they butchered these flightless birds en masse, threw their meat on ice and went to town, eating every last shred of light and dark meat. While this didn't satisfy their fix...the former addicts became so tired due to all of the tryptophan they had ingested that some of them fell asleep for days, outlasting their bouts of the shakes and therefore shedding their alcohol dependency.

Now Available Without Turkey Chunks

However, when prohibition ended all of the former alcoholics went back on the sauce, wise to the fact that turkey bits did nothing to enhance their drunken state. Wild Turkey nearly went out of business and Jack Daniels flourished as a brand. Wild Turkey eventually adjusted by taking turkey bits out of their whiskey, and founded Butterball as a side business. Everyone pretty much forgot about the "Cold Turkey" incident until several years back when a pre-med student who just so happened to be a methadone addict was working on a report in a library came across an old newspaper headline in the New York Daily Sun, "Cold Turkey Quells Prohibition Fueled Alcoholic Rampage."

The next time that student felt the need to shoot up...he instead went to his deli counter and bought a pound of Boars Head Cajun Smoked Turkey with Cracked Pepper ordering that they be sliced "not too thin" and ingested several slices when he returned home. He fell immediately asleep and woke up still jonesing for methadone...but quelled yet another hankering with more cold turkey until he was full and had slept a good 38 hours, missing his vital mid-terms, but at least he wasn't doped up. The student then took his findings to his professor who then had him expelled for drug addiction and published the unnamed student's findings in a prominent medical journal sometime around 1998.

"Inventor" of Cold Turkey Method

While the Cold Turkey theory has been circulating around the medical community for nearly ten years now, it was only recently put into practice on VH1's hit TV show Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, who just so happens to be the Doctor/Professor who published the original report. The show remarkably resurrected the careers of one of the Baldwin Brothers that isn't as talented as Alec...and some guy who is apparently a very good ultimate fighter. If cold turkey is capable of rescuing those people's lives from their addictions, whose to say it couldn't prevent you from conquering your addiction to chocolate...or resurrecting your media based career. Wouldn't that be trendly?

Social: Talking About The Weather

Hello you cunning linguists. Do you speak trendlinese? Well if you can understand what everyone's talking about you probably do? If you can't then you're obviously unaware that the latest trendly conversation topic jumping off the tip of people's tongues all over this great planet of ours is none other than the weather. That's right, every day in elevators, in office buildings across land, sea, air and space, people get together to awkwardly discuss things like temperature, clouds and how that tramp on the third floor looks like she's dressing for a night at the club rather than a day of the office.

There's no better way to pass those awkard 42 seconds between the lobby and the 126th floor than to prove just how little you're willing to intrude on your co-workers lives and simultaneously avoid discussion of your own sordid encounters than the diversionary tactic of mentioning something completely arbitrary that is utterly neutral and factually indisputable, such as weather. If you're lucky enough to work in a high tech office building where the elevator has a TV with news headlines and weather displayed on the bottom, you don't even have to force the issue and can even feel free to discuss the weather in other cities as displayed on said screen as well.

This Elevator Ride Could Be A Lot Trendlier

Talking about the weather doesn't have to be a one-sided affair based on factual statements though, there are ways to make talking about it seem like a two-way friendly discussion. All one has to do is simply mention how cold it is and that you wish it would be summer already...and voila, it's like you're at the water cooler discussing that tramp on the third floor again.

Billy Joel has Incredible Weather Savvy

So where are do all of these friendly trendy people get all of their conversational ammunition about barometric pressure? Well there are plenty of ways to learn about the weather so that you may "wow" your elevator mates. The easiest way aside from taking to the streets and interviewing people who are currently outside, is to listen to the Billy Joel song "Storm Front" off of his 1990 album Storm Front, which if played through to the end will alert the listener of "a low pressure system and a northeast breeze...a falling barometer and rising seas," as well as "cumulonibus and a posible gale" not to mention "a force nine blowing on the Beaufont scale." However if one is to listen past track six on the album, they'll end up hearing about a clown in Leningrad...which to most elevator-users is a completely undesirable topic for conversation along the lines of Darfur or the rapture. Another popular method for gaining weather knowledge is by employing a magic 8 ball and asking it if the weather is nice today. If Magic 8 Ball reads "ask again later" the hazy response should clue the user in that he or she will be faced with hazy or busy weather.

Nicolas Cage Talked About The Weather En Route to Gaining His Celebrity

However, the ultimate way to get your hands on whether the Weather is hot or cooler than cool is on the television. Weather forecasting is so trendly that it has it's own TV network just like other potentially trendly phenomenons like buying useless items (QVC) or dating skanks (MTV/VH1). People tune in from all over the world just to find out that a tornado might hit Oklahoma sometime in the next three hours or that it's always raining in London so that they never run out of constant conversational ammunition for their upcoming elevator trips. What's more is that people who can talk about weather constantly on TV end up being national celebrities...and if talking about the weather can make you a celebrity...what's not trendly about it?

Environmental: Going Green

Hello again to all of our Eco-Trendly readers, we know we covered an environmental topic yesterday, but since it's Earth Week...we thought we'd keep the trend going (wink, wink). By the way, this blog is typed on 100% recycled binary code, because we here at Trendliest know that the hottest new environmental in-thing is going green. We are certainly proud to admit that we have been green since the day we started as evidenced by the background color for our site, but that's not all. We also always wear green shirts, and eat grass. We even had a salad for lunch today while listening to the hot environmentally trendly band Green Day.

Yes going green is probably the easiest most helpful thing you can do for the environment. How does it work? Well by only eating and manufacturing products that utilize the color green, any of the waste produced by said products will effectively be sorta green. It's estimated that if by the year 2014 everything we eat, drink or use is green that nearly one-third of the earth's landfills when viewed from a spy satellite from outer space will have a sort-of greenish hue.

What The Earth Should Look Like If We Effectively "Go Green"

So, you're probably asking, "How Do I Go Green?" Well if you're the Incredible Hulk or Irish you're off to a good start. St. Patrick effectively started the going green movement when he chased all of the snakes out of Ireland some time in the 16th Century and told everyone to drink green beer from now on. Each St. Patrick's day is practically an exercise in making the environment better. Why the city of Chicago is practically the most environmentally friendly place in the world for all of the times they've dyed their river green.

Chica-goes Green

However, if you're not Irish all you have to do is watch Al Gore's grammy winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth and whenever you find yourself wearing shorts on a sunny winter day make a remark about how it's due to "global warming" while attempting to give people in liberal neighborhoods guilt trips for not signing your Greenpeace petition. There, you've officially gone green...and you're officially trendly.

Environmental: Global Warming

Hello citizens of the most trendly planet there is. Happy Earth Day. Is it hot in here or is it just us? Actually, we know why it's a little warm in here and it's not because we forgot to turn on the AC. The reason the entire globe is starting feel a bit like a sauna is none other than the latest environmental trend, Global Warming.

Anti-Global Warming Crusader and Racing Legend Al Unser, Jr.

Now there's been a lot of noise made by the likes of nearly everyone named Al (Gore, Unser Jr., Roker) saying that Global Warming is a bad thing, but in actuality it's more part of Mother Nature and God's plan than tofu and lead-based paint. You see, when God created the Earth about 25 years after he created and got bored with the still undiscovered Ice Planet Zektor-18 approximately 2,625 years ago...he made an unspoken, unwritten pact with mankind that when life on Earth started out, the people would have seasons so they would know what beauty and accomplishment could come from the hardship and terror of having to survive a long winter.

At the same time he silently declared that if man worked hard, progressed and became industrious enough to build large machines and create complex chemical compounds that could eat away at the thin layer of atmosphere called "Ozone" that separated humans from their divine benefactor in heaven, the lord would reward the human beings for their toil with a constant tropical climate. Every child would get a talking parrot and the polar ice caps would melt turning the majority of the earth into a great big pool for what he silently dubbed "swimmy time."

During "Swimmy Time" You'll Be Able To Swim With Dolphins

...and Bears

As the polar ice caps slowly begin to melt, we see that thanks to our hard work the lord's ultimate plan for turning the Earth into a tropical paradise is well underway. This is not a time to fear for our future and the future of our planet, but to embrace the friendly trend that is global warming and prepare for the ultimate in tropical relaxation. So get out of your hybrid car (ugh so last year) and get thee to a gym, because when Global Warming reaches it's final stage you better have a nice bod for all of that time you'll be spending in a bathing suit.

Communication: Chain Letters

Hello fellow members of the psychic trends network. Are you feeling a little superstitious today? Maybe that's because you had a premonition that we'd be covering something that kind of has to do with your good and/or bad fortune. While there are several things beyond your control that determine your everyday fate such as horoscopes, mere coincidence and traffic and weather together...there is one friendly and trendy way to ensure that you always have good luck no matter what happens as long as you don't mind being more than slightly annoying...and that's the latest trend in communication, Chain letters.

The First "Chain" Letter, Track 5

Chain letters have been around since just after the release of Fleetwood Mac's 1977 album Rumours, when a Sacramento woman, after listening to the song "The Chain" for the 236th consecutive time was inspired to "never break the chain" her boyfriend had just broken, known as their relationship, by sending him 53 copies of the same letter stating "if you don't love me now, you will never love me again...and unless you send this letter to 15 more people, you'll have bad luck for the rest of your life." While her boyfriend didn't mail the letter to anyone or get back together with her, he did come back three weeks later to pick up his Fleetwood Mac album. She considered this a small victory and never sent another letter again.

However, at least 12 of her 53 letters did accidentally reach the wrong recipients and confused them to the point where they felt it necessary to mail copies out to as many people as possible for fear that they may face the ultimate curse of life long bad luck at the hands of the anonymous psycho witch with an obsession for letter writing campaigns and Stevie Nicks. It's this same letter that has been circulation for more than 30 years, though various adjustments have been made to bestow particular rewards on those who participate and incur certain penalties on those who do not. As for the aforementioned boyfriend...he's now living in Billings, Montana with his wife and four kids... and if living in Billings, Montana with a wife and four kids isn't validation that the hex of the chain letter works...then what pray tell is?

Brought Back Economy, Fleetwood Mac and Chain Letters

Since the 1970's The chain letter has fallen in and out of popularity, enjoying a resurgence around the time of Bill Clinton's 1992 Presidential Campaign thanks to the usage of "The Chain" as his campaign song. These days the chain letter is once again on the upswing due to Hillary Clinton's candidacy and her choice of Fleetwood Mac's slightly less inspiring "You Make Loving Fun" as her campaign song. Thanks to the miracle of email and social networking sites these kindly threats are much more easily delivered to a greater mass of people and adorned with pictures of kittens with just a click of a button, though some hard copies do circulate via the less than reliable postal service.

It's even become trendly to turn blog posts in to chain letters. In other words, if you read this post and email it to 20 people in the next 15 minutes the love of your life will contact you and give you a massage and 45 cents will be donated to a little boy in Nova Scotia who desperately needs a matching Dolce & Gabbana belt to go with his sweet sunglasses. If you don't email this blog post to 20 people...not only will you be accused of being totally untrendly...but you'll also be dead before the dawn.

Health: Medicinal Marijuana

Hey fellow Trend Addicts, do you remember when we used to sing in the government yard in trend town? Neither do we, but when we finally came to we were listening to a Hot Tuna album and had orange Cool Ranch Doritos stains all over our fingers, not to mention the fact that our glaucoma was miraculously cured. We'd venture to say that it was all a result of our usage of the latest trendly health helper, medicinal marijuana.

Medicinal marijuana has been a smokin' hot subject ever since it came up in that episode of HBO's Entourage where Turtle tried to get laid and find a cure for cancer while something happened with Vince in a movie. However it wasn't always such a friendly and trendy topic. According to a conspiracy theory article that may have appeared in High Times Magazine in the past several years next to a centerfold of a fern, it was the U.S. government's discovery of the Mafia's covert supplying of Medicinal Marijuana to Cuba that was the sole reason behind both the Cuban Missile crisis and the eventual Kennedy Assassination. They didn't call it the "Grassy Knoll' for nothin'. Medicinal Marijuana was also indirectly responsible for the Ricky Martin leaving Menudo...but that's a way longer story.

In the nowadays medicinal marijuana has become quite the subject for debate. Doctors argue that it helps ease the pain of patients suffering from nerve damage and lack of desire for late night snackage, while those who oppose it think of it as a gateway to other legal medicinal cure- alls like medicinal cocaine, medicinal heroin, and medicinal Flomax. However,there's one point that advocates and opponents alike have chosen to agree on, and that's that medicinal marijuana makes watching the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz while listening to Pink Floyd's Division Bell album (start it on the 2nd MGM Lion Roar) totally "trippy"...which is most certainly trendly, but not as trendly as tasting colors...Man.

Travel: Blimps

Hello you Trendly Travelers. Has it been some time you've flown the Trendly Skies? Are you turned off by the uncomfortable seating, whining children, Salisbury steak and crackers dinners, and the fact that you won't be able to see the Grand Canyon because you're seated on the left side of the aircraft? With all of those distractions, it's a wonder jet liners carrying foreign soccer teams don't go careening into mountain ranges more often. If you're looking for a newer, safer, more trendly way to sit atop Cloud 9, we here at The Trendliest recommend taking to the wild blue yonder with the latest craze in aerial trend-vel, Blimps!

Yes, Blimps have come a long way since their early years. They were originally invented by the jet liner industry for the sole purpose of creating Public Service Announcements (PSA's) aimed at warning the "eager to fly masses" on the inherent dangers of blimp travel. Most of these PSA's failed miserably when passengers would take off safely and arrive safely at their destination. Famous archeologists Henry Jones and Henry Jones Jr. even caused quite a stir when they used one of these blimp airships as a forum to handily dispose of a few Nazi henchman who came aboard without tickets, providing Blimps with more unneeded publicity.

Fortunately, all of the jet liner industries efforts to produce a successful PSA came to fruition when a blimp known locally as "The Hindenburg" came crashing down in a fiery heap over the cesspool known as Lakehurst, N.J., causing potential travelers to say, "No thanks" to balloon-centric transportation, while inspiring young white children in the UK to form bands like Led Zeppelin and Rod Stewart.

Thinks Blimps Are Sexy

Despite its sordid history of mostly successful runs...The Blimp industry has come back in a big way! Hundreds of blimps are now glamorously deployed everyday by television production companies to capture static images of crowded parking lots surrounding sporting arenas. Blimps take passengers to exotic and positively trendy locations all over the world such as, above Busch Stadium in St. Louis or high above Jacobs Field in Cleveland.

Oh The Places You'll Go!

Flying inside a blimp is like flying inside a large version of your living room in the sky, provided your living room doesn't sporadically burst into flames. It's your own personal space where you can wander around, sip champagne and watch the game while verbally abusing anyone within earshot. And while flying in the lap of luxury, instead of watching the game on TV, you can watch dots on the ground that look like they might be doing something related to a sport that you might want to watch even though half the time it's just soccer...And we all know what happens to soccer teams when they fly.

Perhaps the only downside to Blimp Travel is that not many companies offer Blimp rides to the public and therefore Blimpin' ain't easy. However it's this exclusivity that makes Blimp Travel well worth the price of admission. After all, anything this hard to come by must be positively trendly.

Religion: Thanking God

Welcome worshipers to the Church of the Holy Trend-ity. Today we're going to show you the light so that you never wander astray from living a trendly life...Can I get an amen?!?! As you may well know, Jesus Christ sacrificed his life and all things trendy so that we, his children, might do the opposite: embrace trendy things, and not die on a giant, lower-cased T. Yes, by sacrificing his want for meat on Fridays, various sexual encounters and ultimately life...he gave us the power to indulge in the wrong, so that we might one day renounce all of the fun stuff in his name and spend eternity in heaven sitting next to him watching closed circuit tv of all of our living grandchildren. And for that we think you should be engaging in the Trendliest religious act there is....Thanking God.

Amen, brothers and sisters! Thanking God or just saying "Thanks God!" is essential to success in nearly every field save for Olympic Archery, provided you're not in a third world country. Perhaps that's why you can hear it echoing in the world's houses of worship, casinos, winning locker rooms, and walk-in closets. In order to effectively thank God, you must first bow your head, clasp your hands, free your mind of all things relating to the upcoming G.I. Joe movie, and thank the Lord! You may also address The Pope if he happens to be in the stadium of your local baseball team. Can I get a "Hallelujah"?

The Man Upstairs is Not A Fan

When an upcoming musician wins a Grammy award for "Best R&B Song in a Film or Ringtone" he or she always makes sure to thank "the big man upstairs" – which is of course, portly uber-producer to the stars: God! When a gas pipe explodes at the very street corner you stand at every day waiting for the bus after going the gym, killing 70 people and a bus full of terminally ill school children heading to the "Make-a-Wish" headquarters – you, breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for the flat screen television you're watching the tragedy unfold on, because you were feeling lazy and decided to skip the gym.

Yes, the most gratifying part of life it seems these days is getting the opportunity to thank God for everything. From the monumental – getting the perfect job, to the minor – avoiding a carjacking, thanking God comes into play in every situation. As the popular wartime slogan goes "If you're not in the car with God, you're probably sitting shotgun with some weird, eight-armed deity," and, frankly, thanking an octopus is not as trendy as one would think. So the next time you find yourself at a podium accepting an award for your hit song "Baby, I Want to Be All Up In Your Uhhh" featuring Li'l Benvolio or just finding the warp zone to the 8th level on Super Mario Bros., remember to thank God. It's the righteous and trendly thing to do.


An SB-EK Collaboration

Health: Pregmancy

Hello my trendly menlies...isn't life beautiful? What's that you say? You don't know because you can't experience the miracle of giving birth. Well, that's a shame. For the longest time women were so selfish that they kept the right to give life all to themselves...popping out baby after baby with ease, leaving their men with little to do but to sweep the house, and learn how to breathe so that when their wives were giving birth they could blow in their faces and make funny sounds to add comic relief to the situation as infant upon infant came sliding out.

Famous Feminist Leader P. Diddy

Not only were women in control of the child rearing industry, but since acquiring the right to vote thanks to the efforts of Susan B. Anthony and P. Diddy's Vote or Die campaign, women have threatened to take over nearly all aspects of society. They've more or less trivialized men's place in society by taking over masculine roles like high school football kicker, sexy nurse and even corporate CEO. Luckily for men, in the past few years these domineering yet reasonable leaders have lessened their hold on society allowing for the installation of a glass ceiling, so that when women find their way to the executive floor, men in middle management still get the pleasure of looking up their skirts.

Despite women ceding some of their previous roles like home maker and sexy nurse over to men, it looked like those feminists would never allow men to participate in the one thing men really long to be apart of...the miracle of life. That is until now. Yes gentlemen, your prayers have been answered with the latest Health trend...Pregmancy.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

No, that's not a typo...The latest trend in childbirth is men putting one in the oven for nine months. Derived from the latin word pregnancy, which stems from the roots
preggers", meaning "to have a child within" and "nancy", meaning having "feminine qualities"...scientists simply replaced the n with an m because it was more aesthetically pleasing in terms of what they were now describing. Hence the term was born.

Inspired by the knowledge gained in documentary films such as Junior, 3 Men and A Baby and Cop and A Half as well as the episode of The Cosby Show when Cliff Huxtable gives birth to a hoagie, scientists have made it possible for men to experience the one thrill greater than watching your favorite speed skater compete in the olympics...birth.

Pudding and Pregmancy Pioneer Cosby

No longer do men have to go to the sperm bank and wait twenty or so years for an awkward knock at the door to experience the joy of having children. This is all made possible by simple procedure in which a man is born a woman and then decides that she identifies more with being a man. Said woMAN then has a sex change, but keeps her ovaries in tact. He is then impregnated by a stork, through hardcore stimulation or by the aforementioned sperm bank by a suitable donor who is both handsome and smart, but mostly in need of cash for sperm.

Pregmancy in Action...ON OPRAH!

However, it is most vital that before the baby is carried full term, said parents must appear on Oprah, so that they can be paraded around on national television like some beautiful freakshow showing how all is right with the world and how a film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger,which until now carried so little meaning paved the way for a social movement. If the latter does not occur, said family and baby is sure to languish in abject obscurity for what might end up being an entire lifetime filled with either hardship and/or happiness. At the end of the full term the man has the delight of squeezing a small being through their sex organ, known as the "mangina" not to be confused with popular european soft drink Orangina, and voila a baby is born, pioneering a new movement in child birth...and as we all know, being the first to do something is most decidedly trendly.

Trendliness in Action: Pranks- Jeff Ehrhardt

Hello Trend Trackers, We here at the Trendliest admit sometimes the things that we consider downright trendly can seem so absolutely crazy that it might prompt readers to think we're just pulling their leg. Fortunately, every once in awhile our knack for sniffing out what's hot gets the affirmation it so deserves in the form of a news story.

This morning we were absolutely delighted to read about our latest social trend, Pranks, being put to good use by a top notch athlete at a prominent Kentucky University. This T.M.O.C. (Trendly Man on Campus) is none other than Murray State Quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt, who when in response to a dare from a teammate who offered him $20 (any amount of money is trendly) pushed a campus police officer and took his ticket book. While we previously didn't state "dares" as trendly, the campus athletic director's affirmation of the whole event being "a prank gone bad", validates our previous post.

As a result, The Trendliest salutes Murray State Quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt...and hopes that he can avoid the potential 10 year prison term that goes along with being charged with 2nd Degree Robbery so that he can continue being Trendly in other ways, like perhaps playing the Clarinet.

Social: Pranks

Hello my band of trendly tricksters, are you having a laugh? No? Well that's too bad. Are you sad because your significant other was in a horrible train accident today and your apartment just burned down? What, nobody told you? We're just kidding. That's what we here at The Trendliest call a prank...and it's the hottest new way to get a hearty har-har out of friends and family, but mostly out of yourself.

Pulling a prank is easy. There are only a few simple steps. First, think of a friend, enemy, frenemy, or group you want to make feel bad. Second, think of something to do that would absolutely eliminate that person or group's dignity and/or crush their soul. Third, enact a plan including either bombs, children, or other celebrities (sometimes all three) to temporarily crush their soul and/or erase their dignity. Next, watch said person or group lose their dignity while reacting to this potentially horrific occurrence by bursting into tears or reacting in a manic nature. Finally, announce to your friend, enemy, frenemy or group that they've been "punk'd" or that the event that has crushed their soul indeed never occurred or that at least part of what you said wasn't true, thus sending a great sense of relief to said prankee, though never fully restoring their dignity. There, you've pranked someone. Wasn't it fun and or trendy?

Carson Palmer: Leader of Trojans, Destroyer of Spartans

While Pranking is currently trendly, some times it can go horribly awry. One of the first pranks was held way back in the time of the Trojan War (otherwise known as the 2002 GMAC Humanitarian Bowl) when the USC Trojans led by then Quarterback Carson Palmer entered the Spartan arena by occupying a wooden horse that was then left outside the Michigan State University stadium, which their opponents then mistook as a gift and brought it onto the field of battle. However, once inside the East Lansing stadium, Palmer and company ritualistically slaughtered their opponents with a precision passing attack, clock eating run game, and harrowing defense by a score of 48-3, thus winning the Trojan War...and leaving plenty of blood, pain, and humiliation in their wake.

Those Poor, Unfortunate Michiganders

Ashton Kutcher: Trendliest Hero

Indeed, while most pranks end in horrible tragedy due to the fact that they never reach that aforementioned "final step", as evidenced by the efforts of extremist religious groups like Al Qaeda and shows like "Candid Camera", one man has mastered the art of stripping people of their dignity and then giving it back to them in small pieces so that over time they may one day hope to be a shell of their former selves. That man is Ashton Kutcher. His hit show "Punk'd" shows famous people crying because their fancy cars have been smashed even though they haven't and it makes us all laugh, which is the original point of pulling the prank in the first place...and what's more trendly than coming full circle.

Music: Supporting Your Favorite Band Past Their Artistic Peak

Hey Trendliophiles, What's that you're listening to? Perhaps the latest from Terence Trend D'arby? Oh, It's Radiohead...and they're still as good as they ever were? What's that you say, the greatest band in the world? Wow, that's a big statement, but of course they are. It would be downright untrendly of you not to say so. In fact, supporting your favorite band past their artistic peak no matter how little you presently identify with their current output is so in, as is berating people who disagree with the intangible proof of your viewpoint despite the fact that music appreciation is totally subjective. After all, what's more friendly and trendy than informing people of what they should think is cool according to your tastes.

That reminds us, have you heard the new Wilson Phillips record? It's totally going to win a Grammy. They've really grown up on this one and I think they used the same producer that worked on Jesus Jones' second album, so it really takes them into a whole new place sonically.

That being said, we here at the Trendliest have a few albums that we're totally looking forward to whenever they should happen to come out. The first one on our must have list is Chinese Democracy from the hop hot duo of Axl Rose and KFC-face. If this album is any bit as good as their previous homophobic, misogynistic efforts you can count us in for two copies. We have a feeling that throngs of people already agree, this is the greatest album ever to maybe be in existence.
Our next pick of the musical litter is the latest from Hootie & The Blowfish. We're not sure when their next album comes out or what it'll be called, but ever since these soft rockers encouraged us to "Let Her Cry" we've been holding back streaming saltwater from our tear ducts in anticipation of the next time an opportunity presents itself for them to extract an equal amount of water weight from us via the magic of music.

Yes, we here at the Trendliest are quite on top of the supporting bands past their artistic peak trend. We've seen the Rolling Stones play 16 times since 1998 and had gold circle seating every time! Speaking of which, did anyone get tickets to see Radiohead at All Points West? Word is they might play "Creep".

Methods: Research

Hello my trendly little pupils. I hope you have your paper and pencils ready to take some notes because Trendology 101 is now in session. For today's lesson in Trendliness we explore the hottest method for learning known as "Research". As we all know, learning is important and research is not only the best way to learn things, but it's used by nearly everyone, from Scientists who employ it to try to prove that God doesn't exist to Producers on "The Jerry Springer Show", who use it as a way to figure out what psychological buttons to push that will make two white-trash transvestite hermaphrodites so angry that they'll punch each other in the face relentlessly on national television. If research is used on television how can it not be trendly?

"God who?"

The main aspects of research include reading about things, watching things and doing things related to that of which you may or may not already know, just in case you find yourself faced with the opportunity to appear on Jeopardy. For example if one wanted to research "martial arts" one might feel inclined to watch the Jeff Speakman movie or perhaps go to a dojo and punch someone in the face. The result would more than likely involve "Martial Arts, providing a wonderful opportunity for "hands on research".

The term "research" itself originated with famed explorer Marco Polo, who in the 13th Century was sent to China by The Pope to look for spices. When Polo returned to present his holiness with the vast array of flavors he had found in the Orient, the Pope ordered him to go back and get more. Ironically, Polo had a horrible sense of direction and had made no markings on the map as to the places he had been. He told the Pope he would have to "re-search" for the spices and thus a new method of learning was born as was Mrs. Dash; the salt substitute was a direct result of Marco's 2nd spice run. However, the fact of the matter is, after it's invention research was very scarcely used. People preferred the use of the educated guess or "Hypothesis", named after Greek mathematician Hypotenous for whom the longest side in a right triangle is also named. (Note: Getting things named after you makes them infinitely trendlier)

An Historic Moment In Research History

One of the first pioneers of researching was fairy tale "it" girl Goldilocks, who helped bring researching to the public eye when she found that some porridges and beds were too hot or too cold, but others were just right. Thanks to the efforts of this brazen blond researcher who effectively held the first focus group (a research method still used today by all the hottest marketing companies), the human race became acutely aware that partaking in anything that was "just right" ultimately pissed off bears. To this day, humans live in a slightly uncomfortable state to maintain a suitable equilibrium with the master bear race, because not getting mauled by Grizzlies is most certainly friendly and trendy.

Just as Goldilocks' research led the human race to cope with things that may be a little too toasty or chilly, we here at The Trendliest use Marco Polo's invention nearly every day to learn the latest on that which is not lame so we can pass it to you, our beloved readers. You know if we're addicted to research, it must be trendly.


Thanks to Stephy P and Andrew M.

Leisure: Wave Pools

Hey trend surfers, it's your friendly neighborhood trend-vel agent here to tell you about some of the hottest spots to get your leisure on this summer. A few years ago all of the richies were heading to tony locations like the French Riviera and Rockaway Beach to get their fix of that fishy sea smell, cool ocean breeze, and to reap the benefits of the epidermal enhancements that come with getting crapped on by a seagull. However, with the economy in a slight temporary downturn, celebrities like P. Diddy and Fred Schneider of the B-52's have ditched those pricey locales in favor of the less lavish but ultimately more rewarding experience offered at water parks. So why is everybody rushing off to their local wild water wet spots instead of hitting the sandy seashores? Two trendly words....Wave Pools.

Originally invented to bring the magic of the high seas and the joy of almost drowning to land locked areas like Nebraska and Hawaii, as well as to teach potential Cuban refugees how to survive the short trip to Miami; wave pools are an effective way to simulate your day at the beach without worrying about getting sand in your crack or falling victim to a vicious dolphin attack. Swim enthusiasts don't even have to worry about easing into chilly water beyond their precious privates, because these faux-ceans (that's fake oceans) are heated; if not by a big fancy pool heater, by the constant stream of urine being emptied into the water by scores of unconcerned children and incontinent adults. Wave warriors can even take their long boards out and hang ten in the pool pipeline, provided they're skilled at evading toddlers. The best part is, there's no need to check the daily surf report because, get this, the waves are adjustable! So whether you're just a beginner in the blue crush or you're ready to tackle a tsunami, the wave pool is the trendliest place to get wet this summer.

Social: Knowing What Everyone Is Doing All The Time

Hello my Trendlies, Are you doing something friendly and trendy right now? Well how about now? Even if it isn't trendly, you should probably tell us what it is you're up to. Why? Because knowing what everyone else is doing all of the time is unbelievably trendly. As you're reading this I'm doing perhaps the trendliest thing of all, blogging. While blogging may be a hot new way to show a nation on the edge of it's seat important photos of your cat, it can no way inform people as to your regular whereabouts and goings on. The fact of the matter is everyone wants to know what you're up to whether you're in a bathtub getting ready to pop out junior with your midwife, poisoning the water supply in Myanmar or just plain hangin' out. To put it briefly, you're not cool unless somebody knows you're cool. Thanks to technological advances like super computers, cell phones and the Swiffer Sweeper, keeping eager stalkers constantly apprised of your goings on has never been easier.

Way back in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue he forgot to tell his roommates he was even leaving the house and they were totally pissed when he ditched out without getting someone to sublet. It was four months before they knew he was gone and another two months before they were beheaded in a public square for not paying the full rent. If they could've checked his Facebox profile they would've seen the phrase "Christopher Columbus is out sailing for a few months" on his status update and put an ad up on Craigslist or on the town square bulletin board and avoided their subsequent guillotine rendezvous. Thanks to sites like Twitter and Tellmewhatyouredoingallofthetime.com this is so not a problem. These sites allow users to constantly give people the lowdown on what they're up to by typing in they’re daily minutia into a browser so that you never have to exercise those pesky amenities known as their voice or their privacy ever again.

The trendliest people, a.k.a Celebrities, even have their own uber-exclusive telling everyone what they're doing all the time service called TMZ.com. TMZ.com uses a complex system of stalkers with video and photo equipment aimed at the crotches of female celebrities to let the rest of the world know that celebrities never have underwear, always have genitalia, and sometimes go to the supermarket. Now that’s what we call trendly!

Music: Clarinets

Hey Trend Stars, Do you like to rock out with your cochlea held firmly in place within your inner ear? Your friendly guides to the trend universe here at The Trendliest certainly do. However, we don't like to rock out to the sound industrial noise or crying children, we prefer to"get the led out" with a healthy dose of music. For our ears there's no sound trendlier than the sweet song emitted by, you guessed it, the Clarinet. Formerly referred to as the "Licorice Stick" due to the fact that it was it was invented by Charles Q. Licorice who used it as the first prototype for flavored edible wood, the original product manufactured unsuccessfully by the Twizzler corporation, this single-reeded sparkplug has been a pivotal element to all of the hottest tunes rising up the Billboard 100 charts. Artists as diverse as 50 Cent and and The Game are busting the rhymes with backing beats adorned with squeaky but sultry clarinet loops. Even Saxophone superstar Kenny G recently retired his tenor tool to get all handsy with the trendy friendly tunemaker.

So why all the fuss over this influential instrument. Well, we'd like to think it has something to do with the release of mega-successful music-oriented video games like "Woodwind Hero", "Marching Band" and "Jazz Band". The extreme difficulty of the latter has led kids to put down their virtual versions and actually get acquainted with the real thing. Young males seem hop to the fact that chicks dig musicians and as a result have begun taking up the Clarinet in droves. It's a good thing their school music programs are so well funded. They're practically teaching their kids music and sex ed at the same time, which is certainly a trendly way to deal with school budget issues.
It's not just kids who are involved, celebrities are also creating a Clarinet cacophony. Word on the street is uber-trendly Hollywood director Woody Allen met his wife-daughter after a pedophilia fueled performance by his Clarinet quintet. Perhaps she was a fan of his earlier films like Manhattan and Zelig, but we prefer to think it was the way he wielded that Licorice Stick. There's something irresistibly trendy and friendly about someone who knows their way around a Clarinet.

Health: Doctors

Hey there trend trackers. Do you have Trend Fever? Well, maybe you should consider checking out or checking up on our latest trendly health helper...doctors! As far back as March of 2008, the only way one could hope to cure seemingly harmless ailments like influenza, herpes or complications from diabetes was through the miracle of prayer. Unfortunately for most human beings, God decided to stop answering their prayers some time between the first genocide and the aforementioned date. Occasionally and quite luckily for a few human beings, Saint Peter would sometimes perform at the level of a second string goalie and allow a few errant prayers to slip through his five-hole known as the pearly gates, leaving his holiness to deal with a semi-constant barrage of heavenly errands. It was because of St. Peter's inability to deflect these prayer pucks that his/her holiness made a landmark decision, rather than cope with this onslaught of hopes and wishes from his loyal subjects, the Lord decided he/she would delegate some responsibility...and on that day god created "doctors."

God gave these "doctors" the means to deal with aches, pains, disease and sickness, and to make up for their lack of divinity he endowed them with what is known as a "God Complex", which was beautifully illustrated by Alec Baldwin's character in the film Malice. Unfortunately, for the human race, becoming a doctor requires nearly 34 years of education and therefore there are currently no official doctors. The first doctor is set to become eligible to help the public after the Spring semester at Johns Hopkins lets out sometime in May 2019. Until that day, people can see just what these "doctors" may be capable of doing by watching trendy Science Fiction programs such as "E.R.", "Dr. Who", "Grey's Anatomy", and of course the previously noted film, Malice. Who knows? Maybe by watching some fake doctors, you'll get some real friendly health tips. How trendly!

Sports: Doubles Luge

Hey Trend Fans, Welcome to the Wide World of Trendliness. You might as well call me your Trendly neighborhood Trendcaster, Howard Trendsell...or not... Either way, I'm still going tell you about what is currently all the rage. So far we've given you the low down on everything from beverages to ways to get that total slut best friend of yours to tell you how far she went on her date last night, even if she might not be so keen on sharing the news. Well, today at the
Trendliest we are not going to pull a total 180 degree turn so much as we're going to do a triple salchow to land us in the realm of Sport.

Yes indeed, sports are certainly a friendly trend to all beings. They're not just for straight men who like knocking each other around on and off of the fields of play as well as in the locker room. Sports are for everyone. One sport in particular that has caught our eye aside from curling (we love to sweep) is the doubles luge. Not only is doubles luge trendy because of its sleek and stylish form fitting suits and the speed at which the sled travels, but also because it's a socially acceptable alternative to gay marriage.

While the Catholic Church may not approve of two people of the same sex laying together in sin, they can usually say nothing but, "go team" when it comes to two people of the same sex...their bodies intertwined with bulging genitalia pressed against one another, sliding down a curved mountain track at thrilling speeds as the participants experience an overly exhilarating rush unlike anything else in the world. Doubles Luge...it involves all the trendy aspects of a homosexual relationship and it's Catholic Church friendly. Plus, in no state in the Union is it illegal to form a doubles luge team. You can't get more trendly than that! Luge away!

Political: War

Hey there Trendinistas, it’s your favorite oral surgeon Dr. Trendberg here to give you 10cc’s of TrendicilTM STAT! We here at The Trendliest feel it’s our God-given duty to inform you, Joe and Janette Public, of what’s hot, happening and hottt. Today we’re featuring what’s sure to be the hot topic (Editor’s Note: Not to be confused with Hot Topic) at your local office’s water cooler: WAR!

Yes, that’s right. It seems like you can’t go anywhere these days without bumping into a war of sorts. On the subway car, a rider accidentally jostles another passenger and before you know it someone is shouting, “Please, for the love of God, put down the surface-to-air missile!” Meanwhile, in the town library, an ill-tempered youth tests a nuclear warhead in the Young Adult section.

Yes, war is most definitely trendly. Since its humble beginnings in the early-to-mid 1400s war has been the most effective communication tool ever to be developed by high-functioning organisms. Though wars have been downplayed and received little to no media attention in recent times, our great barbaric pastime is seeing a bountiful resurgence with today’s trend-setting youth. Thanks to the Internet chat rooms, history textbooks and to a lesser extent, the water cooler; war stories and stories of war are being delivered by old timers to a hungry audience yearning for the days of yore. So, the next time you’re walking down a crowded street and you bump another person, don’t say “sorry” like a hippie (hippies are so 80's) - respond with your fists in the air at the ready for some serious pummeling...provided of course, you have the support of Congress, the trendliest government body of them all.




Written by: Suli
Edited poorly by: Evan Kessler

Food: Pudding

Mirror Mirror on the wall, how's the trendiest trend followers of them all? I hope you're a hungry bunch today, because your friendly trendy tastemaker has a positively delicious and downright trendly snack ready for you to eat up--pudding!

Our newest trendly eat hasn't always been so friendly. Back in the early 1600's Dutch fur traders used pudding to lure unsuspecting Native Americans into bear traps so that they might steal their bison pelts. For the longest time the tasty, yet deadly treat had a negative stigma attached to it as it was largely responsible for the disappearance of much of the Native American population. The last recorded pudding-related Native-American bear trap death was recorded in 1989 and ever since then the consumption of pudding has been steadily rising.

The biggest boon to the pudding popularity occurred when uber-huge comedian Bill Cosby uttered the words "There's always room for Jell-o pudding" whilst toting around a pudding pop for the entirety of his recent cinematic triumph, Leonard Part 6. Since that film, pudding has been in high demand. Everyone from hospital patients to the angels hovering around hospitals waiting for patients to die enjoys some pudding every now and again. Perhaps that's because it's available in such a variety of flavors, from rice, to chocolate, chocolate vanilla swirl and even blood. It's nearly impossible to not find a pudding flavor you like. You know what they say, variety is the spice of life...and it's also downright trendly. Three cheers for pudding! (Note: cheering aloud, not trendly).